Canuckflack

1. 19 signs your focus group is going south

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   February 27, 2007 by Colin

   Here’s the top 19 signs your focus group is quickly collapsing into abject failure and will be completely unusable for consumer research, message testing, product verification or concept formulation:

   • From an arriving participant: “Hey! I used to be a 1-900 operator for this place!”
   • The clients hold up the session waiting for the muffin plate to arrive.
   • The recruitment coordinator works from the bus depot.
   • A fantasy sports fan hijacks every idea with a poorly thought-out sports analogy.
   • I’m not saying it’s a bargain basement facility, but the viewing room has an electric blind that has to be fed quarters to stay up.
   • Your moderator shows up, and he’s in a Leafs jersey.
   • The participants are handed Hello Kitty knockoff pens and notepads.
   • There’s more than one socially conscious teacher at the table.
   • The moderator starts off by saying “Most of you know the drill …”
   • The viewing area for agency types is behind an old patio door. From a mobile home. With a “Texas Kixass” sticker on it.
   • Five words: retiree with a hearing aid.
   • The testing facility uses old pieces of drywall for whiteboards.
   • At the end of the video clip you’re testing – at great expense – more than one participant refers to “the money shot.”
   • Participants who answer in complete sentences are handed Wal-Mart gift cards.
   • More than three instances of someone saying “I’ll tell you what I think …”
   • Your moderator’s Steve McClaren (for the Brits among us).
   • “I know this product! I think my stepmama’s suing ya’ll!”
   • In the facility’s waiting room, you can make an extra ten bucks with only “a twist of the wrist.”
   • One of the participants asks who will sign for her high school volunteer credit.

   [tags] focus group, public opinion research, moderator, popular opinion [/tags]

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2. Media Relations – Footie edition

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   February 24, 2007 by Colin

   The Chairman of the Hearts footie team in Edinburgh apparently has a habit of calling the local sports media “monkeys” – going as far have his PR staff give them bananas and nuts before a match last week. When the stadium sound system played The Monkees, the media in the press box heard a bit from the Hearts fans sitting near the box.

   But the Chairman has to be admired for his allusions to Rudyard Kipling.

   “Dear Monkeys,

   … Your leader Mowgli is not taking bananas any more, now he is taking money for lies and untruthful interpretation. However he is greedy and makes you collect rotten information from cesspits and poisons readers with it. This is unworthy even of a monkey. Today I will express my opinion in English about refereeing in order that your Mowgli will not make you tell lies.

   …

   It is not without your help that traitors were presented as heroes thus showing the road to children for betrayal. You will always call teachers silly because unlike you they lead children along the correct path.

   Protecting your values in that way just spoils not only football, but also a Scotsman’s proud name.

   I beg you Mowgli, take the monkeys back to the Safari Park!

   (www.heartsfc.co.uk)

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3. Some more love for the political hacks

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   February 23, 2007 by Colin

   • Where the hell are all the new political protest songs? So asks Duncan Campell at commentisfree. (Billy Bragg’s got one!)

   • Brief profile of Laura Bush’s press secretary, Susan Dryden Whitson. Interesting fact about her life? She was American Idol winner Taylor Hick’s Grade 9 english teacher. (she’s had her rough patches – and I’m not counting the twin’s old partying habits)

   • Jimmy Camp, Republican campaign activist, ne’er do well, punk rocker and accomplished singer/songwriter. Can you believe he opened for Willie Nelson, David Crosby and Huey Lewis & the News? Part I and Part II

   • Confessions of an Ex-Pollster – the Op/Ed editor of the LA Times. A touch of self-immolation, but it balances out at the end. First lesson as a new pollster: “What I failed to grasp was that the primary purpose of our business was not to learn what voters think — but to determine how they could best be persuaded.”

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4. The taxman really doesn’t want you to bend over backwards

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   February 17, 2007 by Colin

   It’s tax season, folks. And that means the taxman is re-running some ads to remind you of the many easy ways to pay your fair share for the just and democratic society we all enjoy. Like this one. (The tag’s “Don’t get all bent out of shape.”)

   It isn’t that bad – except that the shoot was obviously taken in an office equipped with the junior executive faux cherry office suite – with additional collaborative worktop extension. You EX-01s out there know exactly what I’m talking about.
   Oh – there is one thing that disturbs me – if you watch the whole flash clip, that woman’s topmost leg swings like a bloody marionette.
   I’ve seen another ad in the series – with a man – with that same effect. It’s like a bad animated .gif from 1999.

   Reminds me of a joke I once heard: “what’s the difference between brownosing and ring-around-the-collar?”

   “Depth of commitment.”

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5. Take that, you boat nerds

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   February 12, 2007 by Colin

   Injecting a dose of reality into the dreams of obsessives: this time, it’s boat nerds. The Chicago Reader sails with a Laker delivering iron ore.

   “The skyline looks like a bar graph of its developers’ egos, and the evening sun is an ocher glow in the gaps between buildings.

   “This is pretty magnificent,” I say.

   Jim snorts.

   “To you. To me, it’s old hat. You get boat nerds, they think it’s the greatest thing in the world. They’ve always wanted to work on one. After a week they turn into the biggest bitches in the world.” (Chicago Reader)

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6. How punk is a punk playlist?

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   February 11, 2007 by Colin

   Remember my post earlier this week about rock snobs? Or this other post? Colour me hypocritical as I draw you into thirty years of music history with a couple of links. Thirty-one years ago, on February 12, the Sex Pistols made their first appearance in London. Over the course of the next few years, Johnny Rotten and the others disturbed a lot of staid traditionalists — and upset even more music teachers.

   Can music produce a seismic disruption at that scale in today’s media envrionment?

   We could easily spend a draft-addled Saturday night debating whether punk music can find an honest and faithful audience today. Or an honest and committed band. And that’s without discussing the merits or legitimacy of bands like Green Day or Blink 182.

   Writing in the Guardian, John Harris notes that truly groundbreaking music is often co-opted by the opportunistic:

   “…So sparse was the culture-scape in ’77 – three TV channels; newspapers that treated pop culture as a passing fancy or left it well alone; leisure options so paltry that rock music could acquire a weight way beyond words and music – that four young men really could become a lightning rod for opposition to the tangle of authority … By being held at arm’s length by a media that didn’t know what to do with them, the Pistols and contemporaries developed the frisson of otherness that only intensified their impact. And they were gifted with an establishment so wonderfully fusty that it dutifully performed its role.

   … Here’s one wonderfully symbolic difference between now and then. Whereas the punks attracted such thrilling opprobrium, any modern youngster in possession of a loud guitar and a grudge against the world stands a good chance of a fate that will kill any rebellious pretensions stone dead: inclusion on David Cameron’s iPod. …” (Never mind the iPods)

   More on the evolution of punk – and the growth of radical new bands in Manchester and Liverpool – in a different Guardian piece.

   Here’s a treat for you, courtesy of neworder.net, a live performance of “Anarchy in the U.K.” by New Order – a touch of electronica, but still jarringly raw.

   [tags] music criticism, punk, Sex Pistols, New Order, ipod, playlist [/tags]

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7. Television tie-ins: a career opportunity for bloggers?

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   January 31, 2007 by Colin

   Party Animals, launching tonight on BBC2, is the latest drama to dig into the lives of political assistants and the others in orbit around the seat of government. Drawing on the saucier aspects of the character’s lives, it has also created a blatantly fake online community tied to the programme – and is beginning to link that community out to other social sites. 

   “….Drawing on a wealth of first-hand research it presents Westminster from the ground up – the young researchers and advisors shouldering huge responsibility in a frantic, high-stakes world. It’s no wonder their personal lives are so messy. …” (BBC Show Site)

   villagevermin.co.uk is the associated site, and it links out to existing (and legitimate political blogs) like Guido Fawkes. Also to be found is a fake profile for character Scott Foster on dontdatehimgirl.com.

   Career Opportunity for Bloggers?

   The entries on villagevermin are quite sparse. Is there a career opportunity for new graduates experienced in blogging and social media here? Maybe a new breed of poorly paid production assistant that ONLY maintains the online profiles and manufactured communities?

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8. McDonalds pie desserts are channelling 80s hair metal

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   January 24, 2007 by Colin

   Enjoying a sweet dessert sensation from McDonald’s this afternoon, I noticed some highly unusual packaging. Here’s a hint:

   She’s my cherry pie
   Cool drink of water
   Such a sweet surprise
   Tastes so good make a grown man cry
   Sweet cherry pie
   Oh yeah

   (Warrant – Cherry Pie)

   This item on the value menu seemed to be communicating a subliminal message to me. It’s almost like Warrant wrote the copy on the box.

   

   Let’s break it down, shall we?

   1. Cherry Pie. ‘Enuf said.
   2. Check out the guy with the wraparound shades.*
   3. Check out the smirk on the guy with the wraparound shades, aimed right at you.
   4. That smirk’s lecherous intent is further exaggerated by the tag line: “i’m lovin’ it”
   5. What’s with the girlfriend, in a clearly submissive pose? A $1.49 pie causes this kind of reaction? Maybe if you’re stoned … or baked, as the kids might say.
   6. Her reaction is clearly reminiscent of 80s hair metal videos. She might as well be posing across a Jaguar.
   7. “CAUTION: FILLING IS HOT!” Might as well finish that consumer safety warning off with an imperative: “GIRLFRIEND! HOT I SAID!”

   For the younger crowd, Warrant’s Cherry Pie might not be familiar as a hair metal song, but as part of the audition sequence in the cheerleading flick “Bring it on!”. (Youtube, skip to 6:33)

   *Or are those Vuarnet sunglasses?

   [tags] hair metal, cherry pie, warrant, Mcdonalds, value menu [/tags]

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9. Hedonic groceries … shopping carts and cucumbers

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   December 6, 2006 by Colin

   New in the world of market research and evaluation: testing the efficiency of shopping patterns in grocery stores. Still unexplored: the intended and unintended impacts of in-store media and marketing on the same shopping patterns.

   Relatively novel research by a group of Wharton marketing academics attempts to gauge the efficiency of routes taken by grocery store patrons. The economists’ approach begins by applying the travelling salesman problem: what is the shortest route necessary to reach a list of destinations? This problem is evaluated using a multi-node database collected with the help of RFID-equipped shopping carts and register receipt analysis.

   “We see that the produce and tobacco categories are over-represented in the [efficient] group. On the other hand, canned, ready-to-eat, and frozen food, among other products, tend to be over-represented in the [inefficient] group.This indicates that on average, shoppers who purchase prepared food products are generally less forward-looking than other shoppers when they construct their shopping paths.

   At the surface, inferences like these may seem only tangentially relevant to managerial interest; however, if retailers can influence [shopper route efficiency] through advertising, in-store signage, etc., and hence affect the profits associated with various look-ahead patterns, this can become a useful managerial tool.”

   Despite all their economic models, these researchers have yet to win any insight into how I navigate a grocery store. Driven by a basic list of essentials, I am also influenced by end cap displays, on-shelf couponing, private label discounting, a sketchy memory for shopping lists and a dangerous sense of adventure when it comes to sauces and bastes. Or maybe they do know me:

   “Some shoppers may be hedonic browsers … who like to wander around the grocery store and derive utility in ‘window shopping,’” …

   “Other shoppers may not have enough knowledge of the store to remember where the products they wish to purchase are located.”

   The researchers acknowledge that more nuanced data could significantly affect their findings:

   “…An important dimension that we did not address in this paper is the
   amount of time that shoppers spend deliberating about their purchases, or aimlessly loitering, within a given zone. We can not address this issue with our cart-based RFID data because we do not observe the shopper’s behavior directly. But as data collection technology further matures (e.g., using video recordings instead of – or in addition to – RFID tracking), this time dimension can fruitfully be explored.”

   Sounds like they need to speak to some anthropologists … or Envirosell.

   “The Travelling Salesman Goes Shopping: The Systematic Inefficiences of Grocery Paths,” excerpted in Knowlege@Wharton.

   For you operations research junkies: the Travelling Salesman Problem Generator.

   A heavily edited sworn statement on the marketing of salty snacks at a grocery store.

   ….

   in the supermarket vegetable section]
   Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton: Mine’s bigger.
   Marion Wormer: looks questioningly at him
   Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton: My cucumber. It’s bigger.
   Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton: I think vegetables can be very sensuous, don’t you?
   Marion Wormer: No, vegetables are sensual. People are sensuous.
   Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton: Right. Sensual. That’s what I meant. My name’s Eric Stratton. People call me Otter.
   Marion Wormer: My name’s Marion. People call me Mrs. Wormer.
   Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton: Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
   Marion Wormer: How interesting. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. Still want to show me your cucumber?

   [tags] operations research, grocery, trip chaining [/tags]

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10. How businesses and communities actually benefit from “conversations”

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    November 27, 2006 by Colin

    Hate to take a break from blowing smoke up our collective online asses, but the real “conversations” between businesses, consumers and communities are happening on the ground, in neighbourhoods where broadband, sparkling water and long-term financial planning are rarely considered.

    Companies experimenting with social media online are really just testing the theories and developing extensive test data: the real work to develop links and relationships between businesses, consumers and their communities demands shoe leather, handshakes and company reps with operational responsibility.

    In, “A grassroots approach to emerging-market consumers,” McKinsey’s Christoper Beshouri really digs into several practical and successful examples of how companies in the developing world are building sustainable businesses with the help of their customers.

    “…People in local communities—not only the mayors and barangay (village) captains but also school principals, teachers, religious leaders, and residents themselves—are in the best position to help companies deal with the challenges of doing business in low-income areas. These community agents have the information and ability to monitor and influence what happens on the ground. If a company can show that its own interests are aligned with their interest in employment and commerce, it can then enlist community support for security, collection, and system monitoring. Community-based approaches help companies address principal-agent issues head on while creating a positive dynamic that reinforces key business model adaptations.

    … [there are several business models that could be followed, but each involves] deep, long-term community relationships and investments, whose value is illustrated by the extraordinary support Manila Water received when it asked regulators for a rate increase in 2002. Ninety barangay captains and community leaders showed up at the hearing and expressed their appreciation for the powerful positive impact Manila Water had on their communities.

    These people told stories about the way residents formerly began their trek at midnight to get water back to their households by dawn, about new jobs and entrepreneurial activity, and about Manila Water’s support for the community’s special needs and projects. To these local leaders, Manila Water had become an essential partner in their livelihood and quality of life; they were prepared to stand by the company.”

    Yes – the emphasis is on building a business relationship with the community. In the end, money is being exchanged. But communities are being changed – and not� because� of� a vague sense of debt or social obligation.

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11. Playing the straight man – surviving client meetings

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    November 16, 2006 by Colin

    That lull in the conversation. The new client’s just finished their brief: the facts as they know it have been laid in full on the table, and they are now looking to you for insight and direction.

    Your team has already read the brief. They’ve picked it apart, examined� each� fact, claim, assurance and outright lie� from every angle. Your environmental scan has revealed the fundamental weaknesses in their analysis, the stakeholder groups and consumer activists just waiting in the wings …

    In the second or so that hangs between the client’s last word and your first, you can make or break a relationship.

    You� can try to extend the lull with the strategic use of� hands – a pensive finger to the temple, or maybe a worshipful tapping of the fingertips – but there is still an expectation hanging thick in the air: agree with me and tell me how to fix it, the client seems to be silently whispering. Or boring into your head with unblinking eyes.

    At this moment, don’t shuffly your papers. Don’t review your notes. Those two moves imply indecision and uncertainty.

    And you know that isn’t true.� Everyone on your side of the table� knows your team spent a hilarious 15 to 30 minutes brainstorming over the worst possible outcomes for this client. Headlines you wouldn’t want to see in the Globe and Mail. How proposed promo events could go horribly, horribly wrong. Personal observations about members of the client’s staff that you’ve worked with before. The weaknesses of the product line.

    The key at this moment is preparation. Working through the responsibilities of each member of your team ahead of the meeting. Working through your own agenda for the meeting. Establishing a lead for the discussion. Having a really good poker face.

    Learn from the example of Luke Wilson:�

    “… I think I’ve been playing the straight man ever since I first realized I was in over my head academically. Math in particular. And science, come to think of it. Not to overlook foreign languages. Not really knowing what was going on in class — and not really caring to understand or actually taking the time to study — I put a great deal of effort into my expression. Earnest yet vacant. Yearning yet lost. I had one simple goal for the teachers. I wanted them to think: This Wilson kid might not be that bright, but damn it, he’s trying. The poor bastard.” (NyTimes Mag)

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12. An anthropologist’s look at artisinal branding

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    November 12, 2006 by Colin

    Grant McCracken casts an anthropologist’s eye on the contemporary fondness for hand-crafted and (seemingly) rough products, like artisinal bread. While I think his analysis is accurate and insightful, I love how he slipped a joke about Karl Marx into the text.

    ” … This is really an odd one for we are still a culture that treats brands as navigational devices in a turbulent culture.� But now cheese from a farmer’s market is better for the fact that it is not branded.� This too takes as full circle, for in 18th and 19th century America, consumers were buying from barrels.� Brands came in as a welcome innovation.

    It turns out that Marx was right.� (Finally.)� The meaning of the object comes from the act of manufacture, not the act of marketing and consumption. And now I have a lovely bridge I’d like to sell you.� For the artisinal movement is yet another act of meaning manufacture, driven perhaps by new enthusiasms but shaped at every step by marketing.� For starters, this thing we call artisanal production almost certainly relies on mechanics, scale, and artifice. The “artisanal” is yet another cultural meaning that marketers assign to goods. ..”

    Three hundred years ago, the brand characteristics attributed to bakers, butchers and spice merchants were also based on product reliability and artisinal reputation: this reputation was built upon an extended history of not killing clients through botulism, food poisoning or contamination with animal and human waste. It was assumed that every merchant had rats.

    Today, we want the best of both worlds: the feeling that our products have a home-hewn quality, while we also seek the reassurance that all workers involved have followed thorough instructions for hand-washing after using the washroom.
    [tags] artisinal bread, free trade, whole foods, brand [/tags]

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13. Government Blogging: the sweet spot

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    October 20, 2006 by Colin

    We can imagine plenty of rational reasons why governments shouldn’t blog. There are far fewer good reasons. Especially if the bureaucracy serves a largely retail function:

    • plenty of personal contact with citizens, customers or clients;
    • a� relatively flexible and responsive organization;
    • little if any policy-making authority;
    • direct effect on people’s lives

    In practical terms, this means the government organization:

    • speaks to humans on a regular basis
    • can turn around a question or a comment in hours, not days
    • does not interpret information, only provides it
    • works in fast-moving crisis,� health or consumer communications

    We can all� recognize a personality type in these points:� attentive, responsive and committed.

    This sort of organization is already used to receiving a number of different requests for information, filtering multiple streams of information, and clearly� defining how it is involved in the situation.

    In most cases, it has already installed a case management system and has developed a database of frequently asked questions. When it comes to public enquiries, the organization has already fine-tuned its response process (and shortened the approval chain) and� can respond� quickly and confidently.

    Ideally, the organization is also used to speaking openly about its function, the details of its work and the limitations of its authority. If you stop to think, you can identify several government organizations who work this way, in areas like public health, consumer products, financial oversight or accident investigation.

    Although hampered by the usual inability to communicate in plain english, you can also count government scientists and researchers as possible contributors to a more specialized government blog. (They do all sorts of interesting things – like destroying cars on video (episode 58))�

    The trick, of course, is that most government organizations have a particular interpretation of retail service: help yourself, find the cash register, we don’t take credit and we’ll need to check your bag.

    The bureaucracies ready to blog right now have already worked through their significant information bottlenecks, have instilled a sense of customer service in their workforce and know the benefits and limitations of their work thoroughly.

    THAT’s the sweet spot for government blogging in the short term.

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14. Underground blogosphere – do you really mean the proles?

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    July 28, 2006 by Colin

    Underground blogosphere, eh? Drawing on my background in economic history, I present you with a medieval analogy:

    Once upon a time, four young scribes frequented the same market square. They each had their own specialty – calligraphy, ornamentation, court documents and market hoarding – and each had built up a profitable clientele among the local carts and vendors.

    Chance meetings at the nearby butcher, baker and candlestick makers brought the four together. As they found spare moments free from their demanding work, they eventually spoke about their craft.

    As their skills improved, their markets grew. They discussed customers, competitors and business opportunities.

    They expanded into other market squares across town, building on information they had gleaned from neighbours, family, suppliers and customers. Business was growing for all four – but one had greater ambitions.

    Always a resourceful fellow, he had. been speaking to one of his customers, a fisherman. Hired to refresh his market stall hoarding, the scribe learned of a new lettering technique that helped cram more information onto each poster and sign he created.

    This technique meant more effective work for his clients: their customers saw more information more quickly and more clearly. This meant more sales.

    And since this new technique was unknown in their town, his work was lauded as imaginative, creative, innovative and a challenge to traditional conventions.

    Naturally, any client who risked their business on this new technique had to be similarly gifted. That was plainly evident.

    And no businessman was going to be outstripped by his peers – especially on something as simple, but obvious, as hoardings.

    Town burghers flocked to the market square, looking for him. Business boomed. The other scribes benefited from the increased traffic, as well as the spill-off work he handed around.

    Eventually, though, the burghers tired of standing among headless chickens, sacks of flour and rotting potatoes, waiting for his attention. Their business was normally conducted in hallways, not alleyways, and lunch was served on a tray, not on oilcloth.

    The town burghers cleared a space for the still-young scribe in the town hall. There, he had acess to the guild offices, to the court registry, to the trappings of power and influence.

    The new techniques could be applied to many facets of business: after all, there were many more ways to present information than just posters, signs and hoardings. The scribe began preaching the benefits of his technique to his new-found clients and colleagues.

    His influence slowly spread beyond town hall: as the forward-thinking burghers showed off their new protoge and their pretty new signs, their friends and competitors returned to the market square, looking to their regular scribes for similar work.

    Meanwhile, the other scribes in the market square, the ones who had previously specialized in calligraphy, ornamentation and court documents, had realized there was more business to be had.

    It was obvious their old colleague had found great success. They had seen it with their own eyes. They heard it from their customers. Change was obviously necessary.

    Talking amongst themselves, the three decided that simple duplication would not be enough. They would have to improve upon their old colleague’s work.

    In practice, this meant collaboration. The fishermen had brought more examples of innovative work from ports abroad. Word of new techniques had been passed along by travellers from other towns. When clerics arrived, they brought along texts from distant centres of learning.

    Innovation was progressing. Original techniques had become commonplace. Every scribe had to adapt to a more complex, but rewarding, profession.

    For their old colleague, now comfortably ensconced in a community of notables and nobles, these developments presented a challenge.

    How would he maintain his position of authority and influence if his innovative work was outstripped?

    How could he keep his reputation as a thought leader if his profession advanced beyond him?

    At the same time, how could he keep tabs on his competitors?

    Especially if their work was largely conducted between individuals, among friends, and in market squares?

    After all, it had become obvious business was much more easy to conduct after a warm meal, a good mug of beer and a convivial guild meeting.

    It really was a sympathetic system of government: markets were influenced, to a large part, by the self-appointed regulation of the burghers, with the complicity of the guilds.

    The trick, of course, was to drag, convince or connive your way into the ranks of the privileged – and then hang on with all your might.

    It was all gravy from that point on.

    Technorati: underground blogosphere blego

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15. AAN names best newsweeklies – or should that be AVN?

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    June 19, 2006 by Colin

    A Canadian success story from the latest Association of Alternative Newsweeklies awards – and a touch of homegrown porn.

    The Coast, a Halifax weekly, (yay Canada!) took “both first and second place in Editorial Layout, as well as first place in the Illustration and Web site categories (small circulation division). The Coast also earned an Honorable Mention for its Special Section entry.”

    I’m a BIG fan of the “holiday planner” cover that won the illustration award. (The second place winner, “confessions of a substitute teacher,” would have been my class. In fact, that’s almost a Mattel Football game the kid is playing in the back row of the illustration.)

    Also out this week were judgements on applications for membership in the association. In past years, the comments from the review committee have been scathing at times. This year things were more relaxed.

    Yes! Weekly of Greensboro was turned down for association membership due to a number of editorial criticisms and perceived conflicts on the part of management, but this comment from the review committee caught my eye:

    “The hometown porn-star story certainly caught everyone’s attention. But it “didn’t have much information at all and even though the adult film star offered to take off her outer clothes … all we see is her in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. That doesn’t seem very edgy. Have more fun!”

    Well, as someone’s mama once said, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

    That story is amusing, if only for the insight it offers into the reporter’s active fantasy life:

    ” … She calls herself RayVeness these days and makes California her home, but this woman grew up just across the city limits in Jamestown before leaving at age 18 to become arguably the biggest adult film actress this area has ever produced. (been doing research, have we?)

    She’s pretty in a way one wouldn’t instinctually attribute to an adult film star, with crystalline blue eyes set off nicely by her dark tresses and creamy skin. Her body is voluptuously trim, like a young mother with a strict Pilates regimen. And she’s reserved, thoughtful and wise like any 33-year-old career woman would be after a life of hard-won victories, some unfortunate setbacks and a maybe a few regrets.

    Someone’s been mainlining Knots Landing and Desparate Housewives!

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