Canuckflack

1. Poet Training, Big Box Style

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   April 15, 2005 by Colin

   Do you have a brooding and overly intellectual child in the house? Is your house littered with half-filled journals? Are YOU a brooding intellectual? You may find value in Walrus Magazine’s POETSMART program:

   “POETSMART’s professional Poet Training Instructors can help you teach your poet a variety of skills, from the basics of good behaviour to complicated tricks and everything in between. Developed by the world’s leading poet trainers and behaviourists, this gentle and effective approach is fun for both poets and their families. Regardless of your poet’s age or skill level, we have a course that will help him learn new, desired behaviours.”

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2. Where’s my Labatt’s Voter Apathy Ale?

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   April 14, 2005 by Colin

   

   A topical post, given the impending election rumours floating around Parliament Hill here in Ottawa. ASDA, the UK food chain, has announced a line of custom beers to celebrate (mourn?) the latest trip to the polls. They include Lib Dem Lift-off Bitter, Labour Landslide Bitter, Tory Triumph Bitter, and Plaid Cymru and SNP Independence Ales.

   BTW – the ASDA press centre SUCKS! For instance, you can’t hyperlink their news releases. What sort of functionality is that?

   Oh – wait. ASDA is owned by Wal-Mart. That explains a lot.

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3. Three red flags: Picking an agency

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   April 12, 2005 by Colin

   Mark Ritson, an LBS professor, notes three overused concepts in marcom agency pitches that “instantly signal a lack of expertise and strategic naivety”:

   - Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: “He sounds foreign and therefore clever, and big words such as ‘hierarchy’ imply some form of scientific rigour. If you are walking into a client pitch with nothing more than a first in history from Oxbridge and a dodgy big idea, you’ll take what you can.”

   - SWOT analysis: “They currently teach SWOT analysis as part of the GCSE in business. I have to question its efficacy for 15-year old schoolchildren, let alone corporate clients.”

   - Brand definitions: “It may only be semantics, but there is a very high correlation between the number of different concepts a marketer uses to describe brands and their actual knowledge of the topic.”

   (Marketing, sub. req.)

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4. To Prince Charles, the media seems all thorns, no roses

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   March 30, 2005 by Colin

   Is Prince Charles less aware of his environment than Chauncey Gardiner?

   Mark Bolland, Prince Charles’ former deputy private secretary, seems to believe so, and has slammed Clarence House’s approach to media relations in the Guardian today:

   “One of the Prince of Wales’s problems – and it’s a problem that’s unique to him in the royal family – is the extent to which he is remote from public opinion. He doesn’t read the newspapers, he doesn’t watch television news, and he doesn’t even really see letters that people write to him,” said Mr Bolland.

   … this aloofness leaves Prince Charles isolated from the British people who may one day be his subjects: “I think it’s a strange position when you have an heir to the throne who you feel is more out of touch than his mother, who’s 20-odd years older.”

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5. How to ruin retail choice – over-regulation

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   March 27, 2005 by Colin

   It seems the All-Party Small Shops Group, a group of British MPs, suspects that further measures are needed to ensure all Britons have fair and competitive access to supermarket goods across the land.

   Nothing like the scrutiny of an ombudsman and an MP’s group to keep the price of peas fair for all.

   Says their Chair:

   �We need an ombudsman so that people can refer complaints to them but also to take a broader view on supermarkets. The Department of Trade and Industry is adopting a hands-off approach with supermarkets, but we have regulators for all kinds of industries, so why not for this sector?

   �While it need not be something heavy handed in the way that it has been with railways, people have got to have someone who can address their complaints if they are suffering as a result of unfair practices.� (Times of London)

   Would you like to be the poor customer service rep in that sort of organization? Taking calls about coupon cashing policies, the lack of shopping carts at urban locations, and “why don’t they carry Tilson cheese at that shop on High Street?”

   Call me a free market fanatic, but if unbearably small profit margins and growing price pressure from new formats are forcing consolidation in the supermarket industry, I would bet that greater regulation and oversight would not lessen the price of cheese strings or Ryvita crackers.

   It would, however, open up another line of business for British communications shops – all those customer feedback forms for supermarkets across the country, inevitable trade show booths offering government customer service training videos, and an inane PSA campaign about the new rating system: “We stack the groceries, so you don’t have to.”

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6. How to choke your audience to death

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   March 9, 2005 by Colin

   Walking into my building today, I noticed that a common area in the lobby had been set up for an early morning presentation. We all know there are many tricks to making sure your audience remains alert and engaged during a such a presentation.

   The most effective? Free danishes, muffins and coffee. Nothing like free food to fill the bleacher seats.

   The least effective? Stick an old-school overhead projector square and centre in the seating plan.

   Nothing better personifies yawn-stifling boredom than a presenter unpacking a binder full of laminated eight year-old Lotus Graphics slides.

   Oh. An extension pointer might make it worse.

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7. Footie and interactive journalism

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   March 1, 2005 by Colin

   Have I mentioned how much I enjoy the Guardian’s minute-by-minute accounts of European football? A regular group of Guardian staffers sitting in the news room, watching BBC or Sky coverage of the match on a 14 inch TV – then relaying their acerbic and/or witty comments to dozens of readers around the globe through a continually updated page on the Guardian website.

   Key to the accounts, however, are the constant interruptions from readers with their own opinion of the match, the staffer, or the weather in Milan. It’s football coverage like you would find in a pub.

   And many of the observations are knee-bucklingly funny, like these two from Georgina Turner’s coverage of last week’s Man U – Italy match:

   24 mins: “How does the crowd sound,” Eleanor Giles wants to know. Intoxicated, in a word: there’s a pretty good atmosphere. Things are just starting to settle down for United, but their forward play bears a vague resemblance to pigeons flying into glass buildings, at times.

   54 mins: Has there been some kind of mass release-into-the-community today? It seems the entire sex offenders register is logged onto this game tonight. Huge Bridget Jones pants, no picture, now bugger off.

   Or how about these from Barry Glendenning’s report on the Barcelona – Chelsea game:

   6 mins: Jose Mourinho is looking very agitated on the bench and is scribbling away in his little blue notebook. Perhaps he’s writing a song, or has just thought of another superlative with which to describe himself in his post-match press conference.

   15 mins: … It’s worth bearing in mind that perma-tanned bottle-blond Anders Frisk is reffing, so he likes to flash the cards around in order to get himself on the television.

   18 mins: … I think the only thing Jose could do that would surprise anyone in England at this stage is to loudly declare that he’s not quite as competent a manager as Peter Reid or Gerard Houllier while walking around dressed in sackcloth and ashes and ringing a big bell.

   And here’s Barry commenting on the quality of feedback flooding his in-box:

   Most of what I’ve seen of Liverpool this season has been as unsightly as what’s left of Hunter S Thompson’s head, but any time I suggest that they’re anything less than wonderful I get hordes of angry Scousers sending in emails accusing me of being a Manchester United fan or a “cockney loving football newbie prick” (thanks for that Stephen Horner).

   Now – just imagine if you could entertain a conversation like that with your local paper? Immediate praise, logical reinforcement or criticism as they publish – that’s what frightens the old guard hacks.

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8. H.S.T. R.I.P

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   February 21, 2005 by Colin

   When it comes to Hunter S. Thompson, I’ve always preferred the Bill Murray Where the Buffalo Roam to the Johnny Depp Fear and Loathing.

   And, strangely, I’ve always liked Hell’s Angels the best.

   There’s a great, and representative, selection of faxes between H.S.T and Walter Isaacson of Time here.

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9. Can you spell disestablishmentarianism?

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   February 17, 2005 by Colin

   Today, the Times provides some welcome instruction on how to be an intellectual.

   Two hints:

   Intellectuals ought only to live in cities. If you must live in the country, try to ensure that it is in some form of converted church or lighthouse. Geography matters. Intellectuals ought to live in North London, Cambridge, Edinburgh, Durham or Devon. In South London, Oxford, Glasgow, Newcastle or Cornwall, you are merely a smartarse.

   Clutter your house with books (many decorators will sell them by the yard) and cultivate an eclectic speciality (Scottish jazz, Afrikaaner ska, 18th-century punk rock, etc) among your CD collection. This will help to obscure the fact that you don�t own any Beethoven.

   I also have it on good authority that suede shoes with metal buckles and pink shirts also impart an air of eccentricity, therefore superiority.

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10. The arts, the CBC, and poorly dressed hamsters

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    February 3, 2005 by Colin

    While their site may not have much material under the “media” tab, I feel obliged to point out that the Mother Ship has a launched a new online arts magazine: cbc.ca/arts.

    Worth a visit if only for their Alternative Canadian Walk of Fame. First member? Hammy Hamster.

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11. Pricing strategies and compassion: why cut bereavement fares?

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    February 2, 2005 by Colin

    Given the storm buffetting the international airline industry, you’d think Air Canada would be taking advantage of every opportunity available to build goodwill and encourage customer loyalty – especially since the airline just emerged from bankruptcy protection and is competing against several strong domestic discount carriers.

    According to CanWest news, they have eliminated their discounted fares for bereavement cases and emergency medical travel in North America. Why? I can understand the economic argument: those discounted fares are a remnant from the old airline industry pricing model, where limited seat supply and poor competition created a perfect environment for an airline to gouge short notice travellers. Airlines – at the risk of appearing heartless – had to recognize that these travellers didn’t fit into their normal customer segments and deserved exception from their oligarchic pricing schemes.

    Today, pricing is driven by route-by-route competition among carriers, seasonal specials and web promotions. An Air Canada spokesperson has argued the discounts aren’t necessary any more as their pricing is much more competitive, especially on the web. In effect, competition has outstripped their old pricing strategies. (Vancouver Sun, behind a stupid subscriber wall)

    Fine. The airline’s economic environment has changed. But why is WestJet, a discount carrier and strong competitor, continuing its bereavement discounts?

    Because WestJet can look beyond its spreadsheets to see the customer at the counter. To see the human who needs help and compassion at a particularly stressful moment in their life. Who just wants a big faceless company to acknowledge their challenges and maybe offer some help.

    And that extra moment of attention helps build lasting customer relationships.

    A final point: Air Canada still offers these discounts on their international routes. Which gives the impression that their international customers are still paying extortionate prices, or are more favoured than their domestic customers.

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12. Testify! When lawyers subpoena lawyers

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    January 21, 2005 by Colin

    Have you ever watched testimony on CPAC or CSPAN and wondered “what is that witness thinking right now?”

    Warren Kinsella’s testifying before the Gomery Commission on the Government of Canada sponsorship program, and he’s been looking forward to it all week. Just read this excerpt from his blog:

    Today I finally get to tell our side of the story – I hope. I fully expect the capable barrister Neil Finkelstein will be working overtime to stop me from saying anything remotely positive about what Messrs. Chretien, Dingwall and Kinsella did in the 1994 and 1995 period. But, again, that will prove my central criticism of this judicial circus, won’t it? And, as y’all know, it won’t stop your buddy Warren from saying what he has to say – in the corridor to the media afterwards, or on this little web site.
    During the course of the day, I will be posting – or attempting to – pithy Gomery Pyle Commission updates that will be time-stamped. And, to emphasize the above-noted �circus� theme, my guys have put together a little aural and visual tableau. We will also, hopefully, be running digitized feeds of me giving sworn testimony.

    Of course, being a politics junky and eager for any tips on communicating under stressful situations, I’m watching Warren on CPAC. Oh! What a rejoinder! Beautiful stonewalling! He’s turning the lead counsel’s question back at him! Magnificent!

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13. Wal-Mart’s starting to speak up – but to whom?

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    January 13, 2005 by Colin

    You may have noticed that Wal-Mart launched an advertising campaign across the United States today, designed to hit back at their critics and fill some of the news hole with facts about their operations, staff and overall impact on the economy.

    CEO Lee Scott hasn’t enjoyed the continuing opposition tactics deployed by community and labour activitists in towns, counties and countries around the world: “I liken it to being nibbled to death by guppies,” he told WSJ.com.

    The campaign includes an open letter from Scott printed in 100 newspapers touting the benefits Wal-mart brings to store associates and communities, and includes a complementary website, www.walmartfacts.com, stuffed with human interest stories and frank economic facts. Personal growth stories from store associates, details about benefits packages, and a town by town breakdown of operations: they’re all there.

    Hmm. There’s more information than you would expect from an international retail giant. Local and regional operations are identified explictly, and are often linked to news releases citing the company’s benefits to the community.

    It makes sense. After all, if a brand is being demonized with generalizations and sweeping condemnations (not to mention valid class action lawsuits), an appropriate tactic is to personalize the organization, from individual associates and stores upward.

    Scott touched on this community strategy in a Q&A with USA Today:

    Q: Who are you trying to reach with these ads?

    A: There are many aspects to the communications. One of them is in these national, recognizable papers that have a broad audience. But there’s also a concerted effort at a very local level … where our customers and associates really are.

    And don’t forget the city councillors, selectmen, county executives, state legislators, governors and members of Congress!

    There’s nothing like a nice set of Wal-mart facts, illustrated with pictures of happy associates, to remind them where their bread is buttered!

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14. Welcome to Wal-Mart. Can I take your complaint?

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    January 13, 2005 by Colin

    As part of their new advertising and public outreach campaign, Wal-Mart has created a new website and complementary “Talk with Us” contact page. It’s an open and honest attempt to establish a dialogue with customers, stakeholders and opponents.

    One important tactic in creating an effective webpage that produces relevant search results is identifying the right meta tags. In this case, they’re pretty revealing: “… walmart blows, walmart it sucks, walmart stinks, walmart sucks, walmart issues, walmart class action lawsuit, walmart impact on economy, wal-mart impact on community …”

    Two other thoughts about the site: say you happen to think Wal-Mart is the embodiment of everything that is soul-less and destructive in modern capitalist society. Would you really sign up for a Wal-Mart newsletter? And should a septuagenarian door “greeter” really be the personification of your new “Talk with Us” identity?

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15. Customer service – it’s the little touches

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    December 21, 2004 by Colin

    Shopping at the Polo Outlet the other day, I noticed one of the little design decisions that help distinguish a high-end, high value store from the local haberdashery (or the local Bay): each changeroom had a little wall-mounted bin to hold those irritating dozens of dressmaker’s pins that come with every man’s shirt.

    While I’m on the topic of men’s clothing: take a look at this analysis of regional targeting in early catalogs from the T. Eaton Company, driven into bankruptcy during the 1990s because it was unable to, ironically, identify and focus in on its most profitable customers as its competitors specialized.

    A sample:

    “Winnipeg consistently showed garments on larger, full-figured women. The same styles often looked different because of the models used. For example, an apron shown in Toronto on a slim, fashionable model, was shown on an overweight, matronly-looking woman in Winnipeg. At the same time, Toronto tended to be more diplomatic, using the phrases “larger sizes” or “extra size,” whereas Winnipeg referred to “stout women.” In 1919, Winnipeg carried ten dresses recommended for stout figures, compared to only three in Toronto.” (from the
    Canadian Museum of Civilization’s Before E-Commerce exhibition)

    Well … as David St. Hubbins once sang:

    “Big bottom
    Big bottom
    Talk about mudflaps
    My gal’s got ‘em
    Big bottom, drive me out of my mind
    How can I leave this behind?”(sound file here)

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