It’s always interesting to find political staff willing to dish the dirt on their parliamentary masters – or at least Members of Parliament that work near their offices. Recess Monkey appears to be one such repository of gossip, intelligence and sarcasm. A recent entry included this:

Recess Monkey does not like to discriminate against people on the basis of their shape. Recent comment on the telegenicity of Ian McCartney were considered and reconsidered many times to ensure they would not offend readers. Notwithstanding this, it is a fact of life that some people are built for ambush rather than pursuit. Burnley MP Peter Pike is one such man.

Staffers in the Debate Cafeteria in Portcullis House yesterday afternoon were astonished to see Pike lose his temper over the cafeteria running out of sandwiches by 4pm – two hours after lunch. Eventually a member of the cafeteria management staff arrived to placate the MP, who by that time was having difficulty gathering enough energy to articulate his dissatisfaction.

The doughty manager fortunately cobbled together some bits and bobs to present to Pike; it is believed a crumpet or other such bread product soothed the hungry beast inside his belly.

The staffers witnessing this event advise colleages to carry a bread roll about at all times in case a hungry and cornered Pike is encountered in one of our halls or corridors.