My local grocer seems to have a good thing going. Surrounded by national and regional chains in a very competitive suburban market, Ross’ Independent Grocer brands himself as the locally engaged grocer, with clear links to the community.

At the same time, the “Independent Grocer” franchise is clearly a part of the much larger Loblaws/Weston group of brands - and that gives owner Ken Ross access to the much loved President’s Choice range of products, as well as bulk purchasing discounts.

Ross emphasizes his connection to the community in local papers, working with the business improvement area, through the weekly flyers, and by voicing the promotional spots broadcast over the store PA system.

It really shouldn’t have surprised me - Ross’ Independent Grocers won a 2007 Retailer Award from Foodland Ontario, the provincial government public relations campaign charged with getting us locals to eat something other than Dominican bananas and California grapes.

It’s clear that, this summer, part of the Independent Grocer franchise marketing package is a “grown close to home” campaign, tied to the peak of the Ontario growing season. That’s one of the reasons I picked up canteloupes, watermelon, peaches, blueberries and tomatoes earlier this afternoon. Fresh, nice smelling, reasonably priced and, admittedly, grown close to home.

This fits well with the contemporary Foodland Ontario campaign, which is attempting to resurrect the “good things groooowwww in Ontarrrriooooo” jingle first advertised in the early 80s.

Still, I was surprised when, at the end of an in-store promo announcement, I heard Ken Ross signing the very same jingle and fairly well, all things considered.

For an idea of what I heard, the current Foodland Ontario television ad is pasted below.

And beside it is “Peaches” by Presidents of the United States - because I like it, and it’s tangentially relevant.

I took this picture because I thought the sign was funny: then I noticed the extreme contrast between the marketing promise and the industrial waste lying around it. The adult toy store, obviously, is undergoing renovation.

But some of that industrial detritus isn’t related to the construction.

Daycare facilities for 5000 - children, that is. 350 employees. Grammy Award winners in the choir.

That’s how Joel Osteen draws tens of thousands to the converted Compaq Center for his weekly sermons. But the key is heartfelt customer commitment to the product.

” … [Joel Osteen] believes, resolutely, in the value of the product he is crafting in his office on those quiet mornings. “Very rarely will you find a company that produces a widget where everyone is mentally and spiritually into producing a better widget,” Osteen says. “There’s a purpose behind what we’re doing. We believe in our widget. We’re doing more than giving people a good time or a better toothbrush, because it’s hard to put in your heart and soul and sacrifice so much to make a better toothbrush.” … ” (Portfolio)

Technorati Tags: marketing, church marketing, superchurch, evangelism

Yeah, yeah. High fuel prices. Rising cost of bread. Over priced tomatos. Despite all this, the looming recession hadn’t significantly affected my lifestyle - until now.

My Chinese takeout restaurant has switched to a smaller clamshell for its “two items with noodles” special. And dropped one of the two types of hot sauce.

That there’s a price increase, folks.

I can feel it in my gut.

Hoooo eeeeee! There’s some bootleggin’ going on! The fine folks of Dublin, Texas stil make Dr. Pepper with cane sugar - the only bottler in the United States to continue producing the quirky drink this way.

Problem is, their distributions rights are limited to the 40 miles around the plant.

We all know what that means - the locals are moving crate after crate out of the bottling plant, selling it bottle by bottle in corner stores and gas stations.

It’s like Smokey and the Bandit, but at a much smaller scale.

20 cases per individual, only available at the plant. And $7.89 for a six-pack of 8 ounce bottles.

“Hey! You lookin? You lookin for a snoot-full of the earthy aroma, the tangy yet fizzy bite of an old-fashioned soft drink? Just come back here, and bring your money with you.”

More details at the Dallas Observer.

That’s right - the ice cream truck is a summertime menace. I may have written about ice cream truck music - twice - but the early summer ice cream truck season is causing more grief than delight in the media:

• do you want a shot of cheap bourbon with that heavenly hash?
• a lot of people have problems with the ice cream jingle - at 10 pm
• the Good Humor man has returned to New York - and is fighting a turf war.

Most importantly - I did not realize that ice cream trucks needed to bring in foreign workers to make the business cost-effective. Which is why the Russian white slavery charges in Kansas City were so startling.

Finally, Eddie Murphy reminds us how we would mindlessly chase ice cream trucks down the street.

[tags] ice cream truck, music, noise, Good Humor,

The political economy of taco trucks, as explained by Jonathan Gold: personal skill, quality products not overburdened by design or packaging, effective location scouting, and feature-rich marketing.

“…I love mini-malls. I love swap meets. I love tamale carts. I love itinerant fruit vendors. I love old Guatemalan women with hampers full of corn on the cob and squirt-bottle mayonnaise. I love the pickups that roam the Eastside, with loads of mangoes or bushels of fresh green chickpeas.I love the guys who lop off the tops of coconuts with rusted machetes.

I love entry-level capitalism at its most chaotic, where the barriers to doing business are on the wispy side of minimal, where a family with a dream and a catering license can support itself selling delicious barbecued cabeza from a truck window, where two dozen oddball eating places can be launched for less money than it would take to open a single outlet of Burger King.

There are plenty of cities in America where freedom is best expressed as the right to choose between Wendy’s, McDonald’s and Carl’s Jr., but Los Angeles is not one of those places. I think that’s why I live here…” (LA Weekly)

Technorati Tags: Taquero, taco truck, Mexican food, fast food, community development, economic growth

Hi It may appear that I am outrageously distracted. I have a book in my lap, a BlackBerry in my hands, and earbuds up top.

That must be why you’re staring at me.

Rest assured, I’m using my time productively, and I don’t have some form of attention deficit disorder (at least not clinically diagnosed, anyway).

The book? A galley copy of Rob Walker’s Buying In. All he asks is: are you the master of your consumer environment, or are you the bitch of marketers, pop psychologists and retail designers?

How did I get a copy? Here’s the explanation. Should you buy it? Yes, or read several chapters for free first, then buy it.

The BlackBerry? In the thirty minutes it takes to get downtown, I’ve checked my morning clippings, clicked through on a Google Alert produced by my vanity search, checked a couple of work-related blogs (Hi Kady!) and sent an email to my assistant. Oh, and I sent off a half dozen or so tweets.

The earbuds? Covers of 80s songs. Jose Feliciano. Petra Haden. Ben Gibbard. Harvey Danger. Spek. And a bunch of other stuff not so lame. It’s all better than the low rumble of diesel engines, the rattling of aging bus bodies and the snoring of middle-aged bureaucrats.

All in all, a very productive bus ride.

Don’t think I didn’t catch you sneaking a peek at your BlackBerry just as we approached downtown.

But what’s the use of that? It’s too late to actually respond to any emails, but early enough that you begin to worry prematurely about the workload that facing you at the end of that elevator ride up to your office.
Either use the BlackBerry effectively, or don’t wield it at all.

Technorati Tags: BlackBerry, commute, productivity, work/life balance, Buying It, Rob Walker

First off, a geography lesson. The McDonald’s near my house has a giant two story play area. Big enough that the party room is in a second floor loft, hanging over the play area.

Scene, twenty minutes ago: a clutch of McDonald’s employees in full uniform, including the assistant manager, march through the play area in single line, on their way to the party room.

Following behind, some guy in a hundred dollar shirt and forty dollar pants. He was carrying a cerloxed document, something like the reports prepared by consultants.

He was also carrying one of those oversized personal organizers. You know, the black ones, woven of high tech polymers, with an oversized zipper around the edge. Sort of like a Trapper Keeper for adults.

Looking at the dirty floor and misplaced chairs scattered around the play area, Mr. “From Mitch And Murray Downtown” turns and asks a shift employee trailing behind him:

“Wow. Don’t you have someone working lobby?”

No answer. He repeats himself. Still no answer.

That meeting is NOT going to go well.

For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why a brand manager would buy these ads. An ordinary woman, with ordinary if well-presented clothes, obviously standing in front of a false aisle of consumer goods, blatantly promoting a particular product - sauces, detergent, food.

The most direct comparison? Imagine the scripted pitch and rigid product positioning of an in-store sampling program, recorded with better lighting.

That’s Brand Power, the work of the Buchanan Group, which was featured in the National Post yesterday in an article called “Back to Basics.”

And here I thought Brand Power was a particularly Canadian program - but it’s obvious that audiences across North America and the Commonwealth are seeing one interpretation of the advertisements or another.

“… From a creative point of view the ad executions are awful, but mesmerizing. These are the type of commercials that are generally abhorred by agency brand strategists who spend months deciding on how to sell you breakfast cereal artfully.

“They are not ads that electrify you,” said Anthony Stokan, partner at retail consultancy Anthony Russell Inc. “They are very lame and uninspiring. But that said, they are highly believable because they focus on the essence of the brand and the products.” …”

Chris Clarke has made a strong, and emotional, argument in the past that Brand Power could be considered deceitful and misleading. I agree that the format is designed to appear informational rather than promotional, but I have never thought it anything but blatant advertising.

In-store television channels are not a new development, but I will grab an opportunity to riff on a tactic wherever possible. Kroger has just announced that they have built a television network (KTV) to serve the internal communications needs of their central division.

“… Each store has two servers with storage capacity and on-demand video, Kroger spokesman John Elliott said. Programs will include anything from quarterly financial messages from the company president to safety instructions for meat cutters …” (Rockford Register Star)

This may be some programming you could expect on similar channels:

• The 5 Second Rule and the Safe Handling of Meat
• Your 401(k) and Your Future: We’ll always have hours on the night shift
• Wax on, Wax off: Entry Level Jobs
• Channeling Bob Ross in Bathroom Decoration
• Creative Accounting in Determining Expiry Dates
• Our New CEO is Better Than Our Old One
• Cashier and Stockboy: A Story of Forbidden Love
• The Grocer’s Chiropractor: One Box Too Many
• How To Spot A Mystery Shopper
• My Barbie Oven is My CoPilot: a Food Sampler’s preparation guide
• Bleach and Ammonia: A Shortcut to the Cemetery
• How to Detail a Buick - your manager’s Buick
• That Market Analyst Is A LIAR
• One Lick Too Many: One night shift employee’s mastery of Guitar Hero 3 - and resulting unemployment

Technorati Tags: in-store tv, internal communications, grocery

Cross-promotion in support of a cross-promotion campaign!

The gist of this lengthy post: take a negative, add some humour and ingenuity and make it a positive!

God bless Rax from Splendid Communications. His agency has the Marmite account, and as part of their follow-up to a cross-promotion campaign earlier in 2007, he sent me this little note:

Canuckflack, Oh Canuckflack,
How we all love Colin McKay
So we’re writing him this romantic note
Because it’s Saint Valentine’s day!

His quirky take on the marketing world
Fills our lives with daily mirth
Which is why he is without dispute
The most gorgeous blogger on Earth…

You’ll always be our classic rock
As you guide us through what’s new
The communications industry has found itself
A poster boy in you.

Colin – a man like you, who knows his stuff
And can talk all things social media
Fills our minds with many naughty thoughts
About how we want to feed ‘ya…

So we’d like you to try new Lovers’ Marmite,
Which is laced with a bit of Champagne
You should have fellow citizens wondering
About that nice smell on the O-Train…

And so when you’re chomping on your morning toast
Before you head out to Uppertown
Don’t forget to reach for the Marmite jar
But you don’t have to put the butter down

Happy Valentine’s Day from Marmite
You’re our perfect date
Thanks for showing us some love
Instead of choosing to hate!

What cross-promotion, you may ask?

The fabulous Paddington Bear preferring Marmite over Marmalade ad:

But what’s the second level of cross-promotion?

Some little thing called “Lover’s Marmite” - a special blend of Marmite and Champagne only available for a limited time, with a special label on the back. A label where you can write the name of your special darling, as you hand them a jar of yeast extract that says “I Love You” on the front.

The only thing better would be used undergarments from your solo vacation to Thailand.

If that image wasn’t disturbing enough, take a look at the advert for “Lover’s Marmite”:

Honestly, I don’t know why I obsess over Marmite (the product), but Marmite (the marketer) has bowled me over twice in six months!

Technorati Tags: marmite, blogger relations, blogger outreach, Lover’s Marmite

Let me introduce you to the Sex Patels, a punk/alt band from the Leeds and Bradford area. (MySpace) They play a mix of 80s punk with a distinctively bhangra influence (yes, a sitar and drums are involved). You should really listen to their rendition of “once in a lifetime” - the old Talking Heads classic. I think the heavy regional accent really adds something.

How did I get here?* The Sex Patels were a last minute mention in the Guardian’s Northerner newsletter. You see, they’re playing a gig at the Trades Club at Hebden Bridge later this week.

Looking through the venue’s list of upcoming acts, it struck me that, for all our talk of online communities and interwoven social networks, we overlook the influence and value of local artists and entertainment.

A comment on the Sex Patels’ MySpace page is telling:

“…Top gig on Saturday. The highlight for me was Bry’s foot on the monitor and shouting ‘Hello Howarth Community Centre’. It was genius…

Granted, their MySpace page has had less than 15,000 hits, but the buzz seems to be building. 3,000 miles away, I can’t quite make out the band’s connection to Chumbawumba - except to note that Chumba is playing the Trades Club TWICE in March.

*aaaahhhhh - see that? I threw in a reference to “once in a lifetime“! Clever little Colin!

Technorati Tags: Northern England, Chumbawumba, Sex Patel, union hall, local music

Starbucks is dropping organic milk from its list of options available to caffeine addicts. Apparently, the regular milk is now free of growth hormones, which eliminates the need for organic. (Oh, and drinks with the milk accounted for less than 1% of total drinks sold.)

Which seems a little strange. After all, even your local corner store is carrying organic products. It’s a trend sweeping the nation! Why drop the pretension, even if the benefits are now available in regular milk?

But Starbucks is focusing its product line, and that means cutting some things out. And some afficionados, naturally, are seeing the move as something of a betrayal, even if their organic milk tasted bad and wasn’t well promoted.

“…Goodbye, Starbucks organic milk. You sucked, but at least you offered hope… (Sustainable Scoop)

via Grist, via WSJ

Technorati Tags: organic, consumer choice, Starbucks

Just like Jackie and Ben tell us, just like Jake emphasizes and Connie practices, a business has to know its community and its market to succeed. Here are a few examples:

On the east end of Long Island, there’s a 1,000 watt radio station that’s extremely local:

“…Mr. Tria’s morning show, “The Dawn Patrol,” delivers a style of local radio that is nearly extinct on Long Island: a neighbor’s lost dog, a birth or death in the community, and news from the schools, the police and Town Hall. It is a slow-drip blend of slow-paced life that seems meant to waft into kitchens and mingle with the smell of bacon. (NYT)

A Ford dealership in a small California town has been bought out, a reaction from hq in Detroit to declining market share and a surplus of dealerships in the region. But not for a lack of trying:

“…All the while, Norwalk and southeast Los Angeles gradually became more Latino — 63% in the most recent Census data. Stutzke says he adapted, becoming among the first car dealers to advertise on Spanish-language television. Families poured into the dealership on Saturdays to watch the making of El Show de Keystone Ford. (USA Today)

Looking for some heartwarming stories of big box chains and international brands failing? Reason magazine tells us that the little guy CAN win - and has an eighty year history of beating the big guy. It’s a good read with a lot of historical context:

“…By understanding local tastes, Newbury Comics, Phoenix Coffee Co., La Flor De Broadway Café, and Kansas City’s Broadway Café demonstrated that localization, customer care, and authenticity are far more effective means of fighting larger rivals than agitating for anti-chain legislation.

Had Broadway Café owner Jon Cates initially looked at historical precedent, rather than petitioning city hall, he perhaps would have understood that David slays Goliath with encouraging frequency in the history of American business.”

Technorati Tags: community, audience, brand, retail, radio promotion

This is a point about corporate social responsibility, using consumer marketing and Canadian company Lululemon as an example. While consumers are willing to invest a fair amount of faith and goodwill in a company without proof of a detailed CSR plan, at the first sign of a crisis, they tend to look for evidence, independent testing and videotape of manufacturing facilities with happy and well-educated workers.

Which brings us to the upscale active wear chain Lululemon.

Seaweed or no seaweed? Health benefits from the product or no benefits? That’s the question the New York Times asked this week about a fabric called VitaSea and the products made of the fabric sold by the company. The newspaper (after a tip from a shortseller of Lululemon stock) had tested two of their products for presence of seaweed, as claimed. There didn’t seem to be any.

The company’s first response?

When asked about Lululemon’s product tags and the claims about vitamins and minerals, [Chip Wilson, founder, product designer and board chair] said, “That’s coming from the manufacturer. If you feel the fabric, it feels a lot different.”

And the quotes got worse:

Director for products and design. She said the company would test the fabric in the future.“We will be diving in deeper, so that our educators on the floor can answer those tough questions,” Ms. Schweitzer said. “Right now, we are relying on the mill and SeaCell’s information.”

That’s not the best of answers. Just ask Nike or Mattel how “the manufacturer is responsible” works as a rebuttal to criticism of product quality. Which must be one reason why Canada’s Competition Bureau got involved.

The company responded quickly, noting that they regularly ask an independent lab to test their materials and products, and that they did contain fabric derived from seaweed.

Still, you have to wonder why that fact wasn’t communicated to a BSD like the New York Times when they first asked. (a point Eric also brought up)

By the end of the week, the Competition Bureau had struck an agreement with Lululemon to stop making claims of health benefits for the fabric.

“Those claims have to be scientific and they have to be provable,” said Andrea Rosen, acting deputy commissioner of the bureau. “The onus is on the advertiser, not the government, to prove that the tests are adequate prior to making the claims.” (NYT)

Bob Meers, Lululemon’s CEO, issued a statement after the Competition Bureau announcement, noting that:

“In order to ensure the integrity of our product labelling, we are conducting a review of the therapeutic attributes described on all product hang tags.”

That seems to mean the score is product quality = 1, product attributes = 0.

Overall, their products are better made and more stylish than other active wear products on the market. Which means this contretemps probably won’t affect the company in the long term, since they continue to expand into the United States and abroad, winning converts and customers at the same time.

Technorati Tags: Lululemon, Chip Wilson, VitaSea, corporate social responsibility

When I was a kid, I lived overseas. My exposure to the marketplace was at the street and store level: in Milan and Hong Kong, the majority of retail stores fronted on a street.

In Hong Kong, there were very few malls, aside from China Products, a fantastic bazaar for consumer goods made in the PRC, and the mall found alongside the Kowloon cruise ship terminal.

Which is why one particular scene from the Blues Brothers left an impression: the car chase through the mall.

As Elwood and Jake Blues careened through the suburban indoor mall, all that ran through my head was: “all those stores, and indoors as well?”

“Disco pants and haircuts!”

“New Oldsmobiles are in early this year!”

Twenty seven years after their adventure, the Dixie Square Mall in suburban Chicago remains empty. And for some reason, even in Canada, people prefer pedestrian malls with outdoor areas.

Well, except in February, when it’s cold.

“You bring the drinks, and I got the buns …. I got a hot dog in each hand …” Detroit Cobras (Hot Dog)

Today, a little lesson in how to convince people to wedge a casing full of leftover animal parts into their mouth. Mmmmmmmmmm!

Maybe you could offer custom ketchup and relish packets, as part of your wedding catering package.

Every tasty snack can benefit from a little personalization - even a self moisturizing demon dog.

Mak Reitman, the lone instructor at Hot Dog University, makes some key points about targeted marketing for the lone food service cart in the Chicago Reader:

“…“I once tried selling chicken noodle soup. I couldn’t give it away,” Reitman tells Council. “Someone’s coming to you, they’re expecting to buy a hot dog. Doing one thing and doing it well—that’s the key.” He won’t even sell sides that traditionally go with hot dogs: “Potato chips—I’m not having anything to do with them.”

“…Once when Reitman knew he’d have to share a spot with another vendor during a multiday festival, he says, “I had Vienna Beef give me 1,000 paper hats. I gave one to every kid and every adult that would wear one. They did all the advertising for me. The other guy was seething.”…

“… little freebies make the customer happy. When four young women come up to the cart to place an order, he offers each a piece of gum. “Dubble Bubble! Yay!” he says. “Yaaaaay!” they repeat in unison and proceed to order a substantial amount of food.”

My sweet onion relish lord - the owner of Pittsburgh’s Franktuary walks around in a hot dog costume. That’s a lot more embarrassing than simple doorhangers.

But less entertaining than the sausage race at Milwaukee Brewers games.
Thanks to Photoshop, we can move millions of buns and dogs on the gigantic Oscar Meyer Boeing Large Cargo Freighter.

In the ultra competitive world of roadside food service, it might help to win something like NY’s Vendy Award.
More Detroit Cobras … on myspace.

Technorati Tags: hot dog carts, mustard, relish, oscar meyer, weiner, sausage

Hey folks. Know what I’ve noticed? Bloggers are most likely to post a critical word or a sarcastic riposte under two conditions:

• a big company with a global brand identity
• a person or company far, far away from your keyboard.

Either way, a blogger minimizes his/her chance of confrontation.

Sure, there are plenty of exceptions. There are some global brands who respond positively to criticism. And there are bloggers who concentrate on local subjects.

But sometimes, the biggest target is the easiest target. And if you swim with the pack, the chances of being singled out are much smaller.

Technorati Tags: bloggers are wimps, blog authority, criticism

Retailers may just have a problem with cooties and/or lurgi, that imaginary childhood plague that infects by association. The perception that an item has been handled or - gasp - even tried on can significantly affect a costumer’s decision to buy. Customers may want to handle, sniff or feel while making their buying decision, but it better be a pristine and virgin piece of merchandise.

The proof? A study by a trio of Canadian and U.S. consumer researchers has produced:

” … a theory of consumer contagion, whereby consumers are thought to contaminate the products they touch, consequently lowering evaluations and purchase intentions of other consumers for the same products.”

Apparently, these perceptioon of cooties on a product is magnified by the customer’s proximity to the well-known habitat of other, smellier and less careful, consumers: “…when the product was located in the dressing room or on the return rack, consumers may have thought the product had been more recently contaminated compared to when it was located on the regular rack.”

Knowledge@A.P.Carey describes their experiment:

The team added three variables to the process in order to test customer reaction to different levels of contamination, based on the proximity to previous contact, time elapsed since contact, and the number of contact sources:

· In the “close” contamination scenario, the sales associate informed the customer that somebody else was trying the shirt on. The associate then took the customer to a dressing room, where they waited while the contaminating customer exited the dressing room, leaving the shirt behind.

· For “medium” contamination, the customer was told the shirt was “over here on the return rack,” and was guided by the sales associate to that location, where the shirt hung.

· For the “far” scenario, the customer was merely told the shirt “is just over here on the rack” and taken to a regular display rack located a few feet away from the return rack.

At no point did the customer see anyone else — either the sales associate or the other customer — actually touch the shirt.”

The result? A distinct perception of customer cooties by participants.

How can retailers react to these results? By: clearly separating their merchandising areas from the display shelves; keeping the changing rooms clean and free of “soiled” clothing; limiting the number of on-floor samples available for “touching”; and regular tidying of their on-floor displays.

An area I’d like to see explored in future research is the impact of perceptions of “customer contagion” in the context of discount or factory outlet shops. The merchandising at Filene’s or a J. Crew outlet is always a constant battle against touching, trying and discarding, yet the apparent disorder only seems to increase (my) perception that deals are to be had and that the items on display (on the rack or on the floor) are desirable.

Perhaps management at these types of stores, long accustomed to dealing with customer’s perceptions of use, abuse and disgust, have learnt to manipulate pricing models to move merchandise despite those perceptions. For example: an easily washable dirt mark means 10% discount. Wrinkles on returned prom dress means 60% discount. Evident sweat stain on returned prom dess means 90% discount. White stain on blue Gap dress means …

More details from the study itself: “Consumer Contamination: How Consumers React to Products Touched by Others“, by Jennifer J. Argo, Darren W. Dahl, and Andrea C. Morales in the April 2006 issue of the Journal of Marketing.

Attention food fanatics, anti-fatties, French epicures, anti-capitalists, the nutritionally obsessed and Morgan Spurlock: you have nearly four months to develop an anti-McDonald’s campaign based on their new nutritional information charts.

I may be biased, but I seem to have a thing for nutritional charts … and design. McDonald’s has developed new burger wrappers and packaging to communicate nutritional information, broken down per serving as well as a percentage of daily recommended allowances.

Initially, the design will roll out in several test markets, finally being launched in February at the booths in Turin for the 2006 Olympics.

There’s plenty of time between now and February 10, 2006 for your activist cell to plan, for a real opportunity exists to seize some valuable media real estate during the final launch of the design and accompanying packaging - with all eyes of the world upon you.

McDonald’s will only be supporting the new materials in-store and on the web - which means there will be a veritable print and visual vacuum for you to fill with redesigned charts, poorly imitated Hamburglar costumes, disillusioned McDonald’s employees from the test markets, near-sighted parents who didn’t know the caesar salad (with chicken, dressing and croutons) had 24 grams of fat, and the crazed Italian bistro owners driven bankrupt by corporate facilities sanctioned by the Olympic Committee.

But you better act quickly, because there’s sure to be some brand managers - outbid by their competitiors for Olympic sponsorship rights - drawing up their their ambush marketing tactics. Lord knows, your flash mob demonstration just won’t work if your grain-fed activists get waylaid at a food sampling station just outside the Olympic Village.

Are you a natural-born merchandiser? The National Association for Retail Marketing Services has written up Merchandising 101 for all you aspiring can stackers and p-o-p assemblers.

You should really take a look at Millward Brown’s international research into the sensory impressions imparted by brands. Are you speaking to ALL the senses of your consumer or client? Has your marketing team even considered the sense of smell, sound or touch in its planning process?

Come on - it’s not a joke. This is about more than just the new fresia body wash at Lush, the waterfall scent being peddled by your cleaning supplies wholesaler, or the latest in-store music channel. Are you overlooking an essential component when setting the stage for consumer interaction with your product?

Promotions and Incentives has reviewed this research and highlights some stunning results:

“…a whopping 42 per cent of consumers say McDonald�s smells like old oil. Even the sound is problematic. A large number of consumers felt the McDonald�s brand reminded them of screaming kids and, believe it or not, the beep-beep sounds of a truck backing up. These perceptions hardly augur well for the burger chain.”

In some cases, marketers are working to implement similar insights: machines are already being developed to deliver custom smells and sounds to customers in specific situations.

Now, if they could do something about your outside sales guy’s fondness for Drakkar Noir.

Creating a positive and profitable shopping environment is all about effective design. Paco Underhill makes a fair piece of cake as a result of his ethnographic studies - telling stunned suits about the inhibiting effect of the butt-brush by the tie rack and the like.

And design is more than aisle location and cabinet facing. An accomplished designer can help a retailer set a mood through lighting, finishes and sound design.

Kresge’s knew this thirty years ago. Oddio Overplay found a wonderful piece of vinyl intended for in-store play, with peppy little numbers that could have been ripped from the soundtrack of Disney’s Tomorrowland exhibits.

I may be weird, but I like to read about retail development and promotion. And I’ve always wondered about the economics behind mall kiosks - how can one sell high-end jewellry, and the next cheap imported toys?

Well, Retail Traffic discusses the latest development trends in kiosks this month. But wait! there’s more! A few years ago, Entrepreneur examined the stories behind several successful kiosk concepts.

Professor Stephen Brown casts a slightly more realistic eye on my apparent theme of the week:

“Don’t get me wrong - I have nothing against customers. Some of my best friends are customers. Customers are a good thing, by and large, provided they’re kept well downwind. Look, clearly companies can’t survive without customers. The issue is how best to attract them.

The traditional marketing approach advocates servility, pandering, abasement, oily obsequiousness and what have you. We’re creeps, basically. We peddle an unattractive mix of pseudo-empathy, pretend intimacy and fake friendship. I suspect most customers yearn for the days when purchasing a bar of soap didn’t mean entering into a lifetime value relationship.

… The crucial change that many managers and hug-the-customer gurus have yet to grasp is that contemporary consumers are marketing savvy. They are wise to the wiles of marketers. They know the customer is king. They are fluent in Brandsperanto. I call them Generation �.”

From the Austrialian Financial Review (sub. req.)

The Advisory Committee’s finalized the marketing plan. You’ve finished the design and production on the new graphic identity and are ready to jump into the rejeuvenation of the Santa Claus, Inc. brand.

Your first stop? An international trade show, of course. But is your marketing team ready? Have you picked the right people to staff the booth? Do they have past experience with trade shows? Do they know how to “work the crowd”?

Many first-time exhibitors work with an experienced contractor; someone who knows how to sweat the details of working in a high-pressure and time-sensitive environment like the Javits Convention Center.

At Santa Claus, Inc., our trade show activities require special preparation. Here are some handy hints:

1) The union considers the sleigh a movable booth, and as such, additional fees will be imposed.

2) The sleigh can’t be pulled by your normal reindeer - instead, you must hire union reindeer at $325 an hour. No less than 14 union reindeer at any time, minimum of 4 hours work per. Of course, only eight of them will actually be working at one time, so you have to book additional booth space for a “grazing
area.”

3) While other companies will be handing out pens, mousepads and stress balls, remember that the handing out of any “presents” in any form will be considered distributing, and you must apply for exemption from the event sponsors - and getting that idea by the Disney folks will be impossible.

4) Cookies and milk will no longer be left out for visitors - instead, you need to fill out a purchase request from the trade show’s authorized caterer. They are $36 a dozen, and taste like sawdust (so the reindeer will like them).

5) Be careful about what promo material you bring. Any presents left unclaimed and out in the open will be inspected by police and may be destroyed. We lost 2500 Tickle Me Elmos that way last year.

6) Dress appropriately. There are many stairs, steps, and backstage hallways - you might be advised to wear comfortable shoes, based on your weight. For the Elves, this means support hose with the padded feet.

7) Commuting from the North Pole is a non-starter, even with the sleigh. Since Santa, the Chief Elf and the marketing Advisory Council will want to hit the hospitality suites every night, you will have to stay at the trade show overnight. You might consider taking a room at a local hotel. Use the code “SNTCLS” for conference rate - which is only 125% of the rack rate.

Look around you. Look at the guy at the workbench next to you, sewing the Strawberry Shortcake doll together. Is that elf really a “people person”? Are any of them? Consider hiring special trade show “models” who can smile for hours on end. They also get paid less than elf scale.

Thanks to Peter Shankman for his work on this!