Christmas Eve. Last minute shopping. Malls full of desperate shoppers. And it’s going to be parking hell. The Raleigh News & Observer describes some of the rude and desperate behaviour to be found at local mall parking lots, and provides some anthropological rough work on the types of drivers you’ll come across:

THE STALKER: This driver looks for a shopper loaded down with bags and follows behind like a vulture hungry for carrion.

THE ILLEGAL IDLER: This person parks in a fire lane, or a handicapped spot, and sits there with the engine running while a spouse ducks inside. If an idler is especially daring, he or she will use this time to change a baby’s diaper.

THE STAKEOUT ARTIST: Most hated of all, this person sees a pair of brake lights go red and stops, knowing that a fellow shopper is soon to leave. The worst stakeout artists will sit there for 10 minutes if necessary, blocking traffic for 20 other cars, while the fellow shopper loads 10 bags, a stroller and a grandmother into the car.

It’s the grandmothers that’ll kill ya. Often, you can’t see them lurking behind the shopping cart.

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