Let’s get back to how KFC is handling the rats in their kitchen crisis. Unfortunately, the rats footage has already been mashed up, and I have to warn you, there’s a fairly disturbing picture of the Colonel getting his face gnawed off.

The videos prepared by the KFC executives are an honest first start. Still, popular expectations are changing. An earnest and sincere spokesperson is not enough: YouTube has upped the stakes. A viral video that has caught fire, I’m arguing, demands a response that includes new and contemporary qualities:

  • basic honesty, visualized. The trappings of corporate America, including corporate offices, large desks, carefully positioned flags, reassuring family photos in wood frames and wood panelling no longer impart authority. A spokesperson should acknowledge the facts and the impact of events on their business or community - without much varnish or camera trickery.
  • a glimmer of a sense of humour. I don’t mean knee slapping or sight gags, but a spokesperson should be able to see and reflect the absurdity of some situations. After all, if we expect honesty and truthiness from corporations, shouldn’t they be able to call out the raving masses on the ridiculousness of some situations?
  • more context. Standalone videos won’t work anymore. Corporate communications shops and crisis consultants need to include more contextual information in their videos: shot on location, with other company managers, affected suppliers or even community stakeholders.
  • a relaxed script, if one is needed at all. People need to have a heart-to-heart with their lawyers. Unless significant corporate harm will come from a frank and open statement, the lawyers should be held off. And if the lawyers feel that strongly about the consequences, then maybe the company needs to re-examine its viability on a going-forward basis.
  • open access. Stop putting the damn things behind Flash players, or hidden deep in corporate websites. Or is this a weakness of the wire services, who haven’t figured out how to make this type of crisis response video available to all audiences in a convenient manner?
  • interactivity. How do you expect your customers to react? How will your company respond to public discussion of the crisis and your response? Under the traditional crisis response model, your spokespersons made themselves available to local or trade media, and maybe even arranged community forums and information sessions to field questions. How is that old model being translated to the brave new world? Or are you just throwing your arms up in the air (and waving them like you just don’t care)?

As a community service, I provide a sample script for an improved KFC ad:

[open to grainy, HD camcorder shot of a quiet New York street. Delivery trucks are dropping off fresh food. People are just coming out of their buildings and down the street on the way to work]

[grainy shots of a KFC/Taco Bell franchise. There's activity inside. Following script is NOT rehearsed. It's only a suggestion.]

Voiceover: My name is Gregg Dedrick. I’m the President of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

[shot of Dedrick and an employee arriving at franchise. Interview takes place on doorstep of franchise.]

Dedrick: This is Madeup Namehere. She’s the morning manager at this franchise. She and 40 other hard working New Yorkers arrive here every day to provide you with quick and filling meals. This same routine happens at XX other franchises across the city.

Madeup Namehere: Running a restaurant in New York is difficult. Every New Yorker knows we all fight a daily battle against dirt, pollution and critters. Obviously, some little bastards got through. But we never stop. We track them down, day by day. We talk to our neighbours about prevention strategies. We bring in the hired guns.

Dedrick: KFC is behind Madeup Namehere and all her coworkers. We have high standards for quality and cleanliness, and never stop trying to improve them. We will not open our restaurants in Manhattan until we make sure they are comfortable for all our customers … with two legs.

I know this can appear contrived and “spun.” The spirit, though, is to present a more human face to a problem and its solution.

Alternate Ending:

Madeup Namehere: I’ve heard what our neighbours are saying. That the local taquerias don’t have the same problems with rats. That the personal touch at your local bodega/taqueria means higher quality food and cleaner facilities.

Give me a break! The only reason taquerias don’t have a carpet of rats greeting you every day is because of the cats - the cats that they’re storing for the Friday lunch platter special. For realz, people!

Technorati Tags: , ,