Canuckflack

With the closure of the Forth & Towne outlets, Gap Inc. continues to swing in the violent and fickle winds of fashion. The only house brand that seems able to hold its own is Banana Republic. Every other brand in the stable saw marginal increases as measured by in-store sales - but only because of aggressive marketing and discounts.

Just goes to show you: even when you’ve managed to make a connection with an entire generation of consumers, there is a recipe for ruining a good thing. It’s:

1. commoditize your signature items: khakis and cotton shirts,
2. create a downmarket brand that cannabilizes your core client base, and then
3. drown your customers in brand advertising.
4. Oh, and dry to grasp for the high ground by bringing in expensive celebrity spokesheads. Sarah Jessica Parker?

One of the commenters on StyleDash points out that Forth & Towne, a brand aimed at the (slightly) older demographic of female shopper, actually spells the acronym “F.A.T”.  Hrrmmm.

Technorati Tags: gap, old navy, baby gap, forth & towne

Leading into an American election year, I’m just wondering if there are any plans afoot - now that CanWest has bought total control of longstanding progressive magazine The New Republic.

“… [CanWest executives] Foer and MacNeil cited an element of “passion” in [CanWest owner] Asper’s decision to purchase the magazine, though MacNeil said he also saw a business opportunity.

“We see it as something that is of great value short term and long term. The publication has a wonderful heritage and some very excellent young talent but it’s been operated more through passion than media discipline,” MacNeil said, adding that “this product doesn’t ever need to provide a 30 percent return on investment.”(Politico)

Is this what happens when the “Made in Canada” publishing subsidies are reduced? Canadian companies actually look outside the border?

This means the National Post and The New Republic are now under the same roof ….

We all know Kazakhstan felt unjustly characterized by Sacha Baron Cohen’s blazingly popular and remarkably offensive Borat character. This week, the Kazakhstani Ambassador to the United States and Canada began a speaking tour of universities in the U.S. The first stop was Yale, where his sometimes leaden speech and light promotional video appear to have received a polite reception.

The targeting seems appropriate: it’s easy to book a room on campus and draw enough attendees from the essential target audiences:

• Central Asian student groups
• International Affairs students
• Activists for democracy and government transparency (good luck with that)
• Wrestling fans hoping to catch a glimpse of Islaim Bairamukov.
• University newspaper reporters
• Oil industry lobbyists
• Frat boys who saw Borat “but didn’t feel right about seeing Azamat naked”

University audiences would seem to be the most open to hearing the “other side of the story” - looking to the event for intellectual fodder, increased cred with their poli sci profs, and maybe knockin’ some Birkenstocks.

Asked about the impact of Borat’s over-the-top character on his country’s international image, the Kazakh press secretary noted that:

“The movie did heighten interest in Kazakhstan,” said Roman Y. Vassilenko, the ambassador’s press secretary. “We could have said, `That’s nice,’ but we didn’t leave it at that. We took the opportunity to tell our story.”

All in all, he said, “Borat” probably did more good than bad for Kazakhstan. “It was a blessing in disguise. A heavy disguise.” (Hartford Courant)

Ever the efficient press rep, Vassilenko translated for the Ambassador. During the post-speech Q&A session, they asked for questions, but “not related to Borat.” Of course, Vassilenko’s been fighting Borat’s assertions for a loooong time.

Kazinform, the government “information agency” has the text of Kanat B. Saudabayev’s speech. It’s an old school oligarch doozy.

As for results, the Ambassador’s appearance prompted heavy local coverage and some international mention.

• Kanat B. Saudabayev closes the room in New Haven.
  
• “I was surprised by … how economically developed the country is.”
• The embassy’s website is getting five times the hits as before.
• Kazinform is carrying the AP story.

Technorati Tags: Borat, Kazakhstan, public affairs, diplomacy, outreach

Here’s the top 19 signs your focus group is quickly collapsing into abject failure and will be completely unusable for consumer research, message testing, product verification or concept formulation:

• From an arriving participant: “Hey! I used to be a 1-900 operator for this place!”
• The clients hold up the session waiting for the muffin plate to arrive.
• The recruitment coordinator works from the bus depot.
• A fantasy sports fan hijacks every idea with a poorly thought-out sports analogy.
• I’m not saying it’s a bargain basement facility, but the viewing room has an electric blind that has to be fed quarters to stay up.
• Your moderator shows up, and he’s in a Leafs jersey.
• The participants are handed Hello Kitty knockoff pens and notepads.
• There’s more than one socially conscious teacher at the table.
• The moderator starts off by saying “Most of you know the drill …”
• The viewing area for agency types is behind an old patio door. From a mobile home. With a “Texas Kixass” sticker on it.
• Five words: retiree with a hearing aid.
• The testing facility uses old pieces of drywall for whiteboards.
• At the end of the video clip you’re testing - at great expense - more than one participant refers to “the money shot.”
• Participants who answer in complete sentences are handed Wal-Mart gift cards.
• More than three instances of someone saying “I’ll tell you what I think …”
• Your moderator’s Steve McClaren (for the Brits among us).
• “I know this product! I think my stepmama’s suing ya’ll!”
• In the facility’s waiting room, you can make an extra ten bucks with only “a twist of the wrist.”
• One of the participants asks who will sign for her high school volunteer credit.

Technorati Tags: focus group, public opinion research, moderator, popular opinion

That’s the “talking science” badge from the Order of Science Scouts of Exemplary Repute and Above Average Physique. I also seem to qualify for the “dodger of monkey shit” badge (although not in the literal sense I am sure was intended - more of a metaphorical experience endured in the workplace) and the “experienced with electrical shock (Level III) badge.”

You see, as a young boy I once tried to wire a 4.5v DC portable AM radio to take current from a 220v AC plug. We were picking transistors out of the ceiling after that explosion, let me tell you!

The OSSERAAP is an idea of the Science Creative Quarterly out of UBC.

They’ve also taken a shot at gathering readers’ input to identify the Truth.

Pointer from SpurgeonBlog.

Please note that I did not go for the easy “Blazing Saddles” and/or “Treasure of the Sierra Madre” quote. You can keep your stinkin’ badges puns to your self, thankyouverymuch.

A special treat for you: Burton Gilliam, Lyle the cowboy from Blazing Saddles, advertises Ford Trucks (youTube).

Technorati Tags: science, stinkin badges, truth

Sorry folks, my hosting company went down for about 20 hours today. Everything should be fine now.
Not that you guys and gals on the feed even noticed.

:-)

Jet Blue is trying its hardest to correct the damage done to its reputation. Let’s take a quick look at how TJ Maxx and its Canadian subsidiary, Winners, are pointing to information online after a stunning loss of customer data.

One text line. That’s it. Not even a starburst to attract the reader’s attention. The priority on the page continues to be corporate gabspeak aimed at a vaguely defined consumer audience, with details of growing customer security issues buried TWO links behind that one line headline.

Details like:

• even more security breaches in 2005 and 2003; and
• if you made a return in 2003 and 2004, your driver’s licence may be compromised.

That’s right. If you actually found some of the products at Winners or TJ Maxx wanting, you may be at HIGHER risk of complete identity theft, rather than just losing money on your credit card.

Now, TJ Maxx has been extremely detailed and open about how they are reacting to the breach and have called in some powerful consultancies to drill down into how the company handles personal data. Still, their online presence doesn’t reflect a corporate spirit to make information about the breach front and centre.

EVEN BETTER: I’d like to link to the detailed news release, but the primary link is a JAVA link, which then leads to a pop-up, which has further JAVA links. The news release isn’t even available in the media/press pages on either the TJ Maxx or Winners sites. The only link is off the parent company’s site, which I’m sure most consumers don’t know about.

I thought the normal way to bury bad news was to make negative information only available from your online media room: it seems that TJ Maxx and Winners have found a way to make access even more difficult.

Last thing you want is someone linking to such bad news, after all. Especially news that compounds the impact of previous reporting.

Technorati Tags: TJ Maxx, credit card fraud, Winners, identity theft, bad customer service

The Chairman of the Hearts footie team in Edinburgh apparently has a habit of calling the local sports media “monkeys” - going as far have his PR staff give them bananas and nuts before a match last week. When the stadium sound system played The Monkees, the media in the press box heard a bit from the Hearts fans sitting near the box.

But the Chairman has to be admired for his allusions to Rudyard Kipling.

“Dear Monkeys,

… Your leader Mowgli is not taking bananas any more, now he is taking money for lies and untruthful interpretation. However he is greedy and makes you collect rotten information from cesspits and poisons readers with it. This is unworthy even of a monkey. Today I will express my opinion in English about refereeing in order that your Mowgli will not make you tell lies.

…

It is not without your help that traitors were presented as heroes thus showing the road to children for betrayal. You will always call teachers silly because unlike you they lead children along the correct path.

Protecting your values in that way just spoils not only football, but also a Scotsman’s proud name.

I beg you Mowgli, take the monkeys back to the Safari Park!

(www.heartsfc.co.uk)

• Where the hell are all the new political protest songs? So asks Duncan Campell at commentisfree. (Billy Bragg’s got one!)

• Brief profile of Laura Bush’s press secretary, Susan Dryden Whitson. Interesting fact about her life? She was American Idol winner Taylor Hick’s Grade 9 english teacher. (she’s had her rough patches - and I’m not counting the twin’s old partying habits)

• Jimmy Camp, Republican campaign activist, ne’er do well, punk rocker and accomplished singer/songwriter. Can you believe he opened for Willie Nelson, David Crosby and Huey Lewis & the News? Part I and Part II

• Confessions of an Ex-Pollster - the Op/Ed editor of the LA Times. A touch of self-immolation, but it balances out at the end. First lesson as a new pollster: “What I failed to grasp was that the primary purpose of our business was not to learn what voters think — but to determine how they could best be persuaded.”

Technorati Tags: Captain Haddock, widgets, web 2.0, web 3.0, Tintin

Have you noticed that public relations and marketing specialists tend to let criticism run off their backs like water off a duck? One psychologist, Karl Weick, has an explanation:

“…Generalists, people with moderately strong attachments to many ideas, should be hard to interrupt, and once interrupted, should have weaker, shorter negative negative reactions since they have alternative paths to realize their plans. Specialists, people with stronger attachments to fewer ideas, should be easier to interrupt, and once interrupted, should have stronger,more sustained negative reactions because they have fewer alternative pathways to realize their plans. Generalists should be the upbeat, positive people in the profession while specialists should be their grouchy, negative counterparts.

Wow. That pretty much describes almost every interaction I’ve had with an engineer, economist or regulatory specialist. Haven’t you found it hard to prepare comms materials that are both understandable to the general public and acceptable to a technical specialist?

Quote singled out by Bob Sutton.

Barack Obama’s current Senate press secretary is moving on to the Presidential campaign, and he emailed reporters about his replacement:

“Ben is a Virgo who enjoys talking on phone with reporters and leaking like a sieve.” (Politico)

As opposed to the normal approach taken by government officials in Washington, as cited in the “Scooter” Libby trial:

“…One of the signature moments in the case came this week, when veteran Washington Post reporter Walter Pincus was asked about the difficulty of getting top government officials to talk to him.

“Well, they’ll talk to me,” Pincus testified. “They just won’t give me information.” (LA Times)

Or maybe Robert Novak’s comments are revealing:

“… he had spent three fruitless years trying to land a single interview with former Deputy Secretary of State Richard L. Armitage.

“He had not only declined,” Novak said, “but indicated it wasn’t because he was too busy. He just didn’t want to see me.”

Well, doesn’t that just chap your [possibly inappropriate body part highlighted here]. I found an impossibly beat up and ancient version of an antique Victorian book of knowledge called “Enquire Within Upon Everything.” Great find. The sort of thing you can hide and use for obscure blog posts for months to come …. unless Project Gutenberg has already transcribed it and made it available. Damn.

Still. Let’s just remember that quality service and an attention to detail weren’t invented by global brands based in Seattle, London or Freeport.

2606. Civility.

In larger localities, where competition abounds, the small shopkeeper frequently outstrips his more powerful rival by one element of success, which may be added to any stock without cost, but cannot be withheld without loss. That element is civility. It has already been spoken of elsewhere, but must be enforced here, as aiding the little means of the small shopkeeper to a wonderful degree.

A kind and obliging manner carries with it an indescribable charm. It must not be a manner which indicates a mean, grovelling time-serving spirit, but a plain, open, and agreeable demeanour, which seems to desire to oblige for the pleasure of doing so, and not for the sake of squeezing an extra penny out of a customer’s pocket.”

Technorati Tags: customer service, personal touch, attention economy

This is what I look like, folks. Taken by Joe Thornley at the Third Monday event held last night.

Technorati Tags: Colin McKay, 40 lbs heavier than high school

Well, we all missed it - the Tintin exhibition at le Centre Pompidou. Even the online site is very sparse, but Dan Hill over at City of Sound has provided a precis and some high quality photos. To the left is a timeline showing which characters make an appearance in which book, presented chronologically.

In the comments, Martin Belam points to his previous discussion of the boats found in Tintin, and an exhibition at the National Maritime Museum. Martin rightly highlights the sometimes overstated political or cultural messages occasionally found in Herge’s work.

Even more information at the Tintinologist.

An index of the cars featured in Tintin is also available.

Insults uttered by Captain Haddock, but only found in the Turkish translation of the books. (In the name of typhoons, I am going nowhere with these mobile fire extinguishers!)

Technorati Tags: Tintin, french cartoons, Herge, design

Darwinian Pick-Up Lines, now available on tshirts and buttons! Also, Top Ten Darwinian Pick-Up Lines. (Memoirs of a Skepchik)

Lily Allen, Madonna and Kate Moss all try their hand at designing clothing for High Street retail. “The PR worth of the sort of coverage they get … is astronomical. Retailers all err on the side of making too few of the collections so that they remain in demand. But one consequence of it being so limited is that the real worth is really only in the publicity.” (Guardian)

The Office meets Glengarry Glen Ross: A Spec Script by David Mamet, in McSweeney’s. “Second prize? A set of steak knives!”

Best - or worst - of the Atlanta Police Blotter at Creative Loafing.

Urban Nightmares Collective: plastering downtown Toronto with posters of Charlie Brown, Wesley Snipes and Heather Locklear. “They’re funny; they’re retro. It’s about surface coverage, and thinking like an advertiser.” (Globe and Mail)

A brief history of Bathurst Street, where I lived for one year during university. Photo montage as well, courtesy of Eye Magazine.

Technorati Tags: urban design, darwin, bathurst, retro, Glengarry Glen Ross, celebrity designers

Did you know 2007 was the year of the attention economy? Saatchi & Saatchi seems to have decided that - its in their sig line. Our Italian colleagues have felt the magic touch of Saatchi’s attention - their Italian team reached out to marcomm writers to promote the launch of a client site. The release from Saatchi has drawn particular scorn from Gianluca and Italo because of its jargon-laden copy:

“…Il sito web, ItaliaIndependent.com, è on line dal 10 gennaio con una prima release di quella che si preannuncia una web experience magmatica, adrenalinica e fortemente interattiva. Figlio dell’era del crowdsourcing, in cui il consumatore diviene al tempo stesso target ed elemento cardine per la ideazione, progettazione e comunicazione del prodotto, italiaindependent.com è il primo passo di una self-building platform che saranno gli utenti stessi a generare, uploadando i propri contenuti.”

That copy is buzz-heavy, transparently self-serving, and the pitch was not well thought out. The site in question is completely coded in flash - and of consequence completely useless to bloggers who like to link to areas of particular interest. It seems the pitch was also accompanied by a .pdf file (linked at Gianluca’s post).

But the story gets better. Here in Canada, we’ve become used to buying up multiple URLs and top level domain names when working across languages. In the case of this site, it seems that an misspelt URL in a Reuters article let a small Italian marketing agency grab some attention (there’s that word again!) when it quickly snapped up the misspelt doman name.

Lessons learned from Saatchi’s pitch:

• Don’t try to sell milk to the milkman: throwing buzzwords and 2.0 concepts around will backfire if your work doesn’t back up the concept.
• Don’t misappropriate concepts: consumer as idea creator works - but not as well when you’re selling glasses at 1000 euros a crack. As one commenter points out on Gianluca’s blog, the average Italian metalworker makes 1000 euros a month.
• Personalize your pitch: once again, don’t mass mail your news release, especially when it provides very little detail.
• Follow-up with media, especially when they get your URL wrong.

Technorati Tags: Saatchi, italiaindependente, blogger outreach, blogger relations

Here’s something guaranteed to drive some online gamers mad:

“Second Life – or SL – is the Internet’s most popular and dynamic online environment.” (M-B news release)

On February 20, Mercedes Benz will be launching its Second Life island (pics at _notizen aus der provinz) with a free concert and an in-world extension of its Mixed Tape music download program.

And between 20,000 and 100,000 regular users may be around to notice.

Technorati Tags: Second Life, SL, online

May I point you to a fantastic song review? Jason Hare takes apart “Moonlight Feels Alright” by Starbuck. Several hundred words of goodness and incisive insight, but here are some highlights:

“… Please, readers, get out your shag carpet, your lava lamp, your doorway beads, your incense, and your favorite bong. You know the one: it’s shaped like Michael McDonald’s head and plays “Minute By Minute” every time you take a hit. We’ll need all these things to appropriately tackle this smooth gem.

… The “wah” is back! I don’t know (as in “I don’t care”) who played guitar on this one, but can you imagine being at the session? “No, Tony, all we need is like three notes, total. No, just three. And your Wah-wah pedal. You did bring your Wah-wah pedal, right? No? Jesus. You know it’s 1976, right? You’re fired.“

Of course, all of Jason’s hard work is possibly upstaged by one of the 30-odd comments on the post: “Starbuck - because nothing says “hetero” quite like two open-shirted, pornostached men standing uncomfortably close to each other.”

“pornostached” - heh.

It’s tax season, folks. And that means the taxman is re-running some ads to remind you of the many easy ways to pay your fair share for the just and democratic society we all enjoy. Like this one. (The tag’s “Don’t get all bent out of shape.”)

It isn’t that bad - except that the shoot was obviously taken in an office equipped with the junior executive faux cherry office suite - with additional collaborative worktop extension. You EX-01s out there know exactly what I’m talking about.
Oh - there is one thing that disturbs me - if you watch the whole flash clip, that woman’s topmost leg swings like a bloody marionette.
I’ve seen another ad in the series - with a man - with that same effect. It’s like a bad animated .gif from 1999.

Reminds me of a joke I once heard: “what’s the difference between brownosing and ring-around-the-collar?”

“Depth of commitment.”

It’s tough to be a communicator in the employ of the government nowadays. Accelerating news cycles. Dwindling public interest in economic issues. Continuing distrust of the government.

On top of that, Ira Basen continues his quest to prove the public relations industry is the spawn of the devil. In a well-researched series for CBC Radio, Basen speaks to Canadian, American and British media, communications and politics veterans about the influence of spinners, spinmasters, spin specialists, the spiiinnn maaaann.

I still can’t shake the feeling, though, that Basen will be standing beside St. Peter when it comes to my turn, flipping through a giant book of perceived misdeeds in an attempt to condemn me to purgatory.

Nevertheless, the CBC has made available mp3 files of the previous episodes, as well as transcripts of his interviews. Here are two excerpts that paint a portrait of the environment in Ottawa today:

Scott Reid, on the shift in relationship and operating styles between media covering national issues and the federal government:

“… in the past decade there’s been a pretty substantial cultural shift in the town in terms of how media and government inter-relate. I think basically there is or there ought to be a culture of “nothing is off the record now”. I think that stories get told when they’re not fully formed in terms of the conduct of your job from where I sat, it meant you had to very much plan from a perspective that - you had to assume that the median in terms of gallery behaviour was going to be pretty punishing, pretty insurgent, and you had to factor that in.

There is no culture of being able to work on a story for a period of time and say, “well, hang on. You actually don’t have all the facts straight. Why don’t we - you should really get briefed up and we’ll take a few days…” None of that. Speed became the imperative. Speed became the only imperative and that changed the way that other journalists and other news organizations worked and that changed the way the people who answered the phone and dealt with journalists, worked as well.”

Elly Alboim, on the increasing level of disengagement citizens feel towards government and public policy issues:

” … Well, you know, look, it’s not the second coming of the apocalypse, you know I - what is the effect? We ‘re going to know in 20 years. We don’t know today. But there are signposts, you know.

The signposts are: we have the highest level of alienation from government and authority that we’ve probably had in our lifetimes or probably stretching beyond, and it’s not just a Canadian phenomenon, it’s western; the lack of deference to authority is astonishing worldwide; the cacophony associated with fundamental decision-making is loud; and voting turnout is dropping except for the last election which had a slight twist-up but most important, the disengagement of most people from issues involving governance, politics, labour, finance is astonishingly high.

They profess no interest in it, their literacy on fundamental issues has been dropping, and the shared sense of institutions, country, has become subject to all these centrifugal forces - you know, go to British Columbia and read their daily menu of information and compare it to the one in Atlantic Canada and try to understand where the common threads are. What does all this mean? I don’t know what it means.”

h/t to Ian for reminding me.

Technorati Tags: Scott Reid, PR in Canada, spin

Comments by A.J.P. Taylor, the popular English historian, on his writing style ring particularly true for bloggers:

“The difficulties I have encountered in writing history have been practical and technical. The greatest difficulty is time. You have to read a great deal, chase evidence all over the place, and make copious notes many of which you cannot lays hands on when you need them.

… Since then my style has been my own. It has however changed with my writing instruments. With a pen you write words. With a typewriter you write sentences. With an electric typewriter, which I use now, you write paragraphs. In military terms: bow and arrow, musket, machine gun. I try to keep up a continuous fire.”

A.J.P. Taylor in The Journal of Modern History

If the electric typewriter is a machine gun, then a blog overwhelmed with widgets must be an Aegis weapons system!

This particular quote is taken from an essay found in Taylor’s Polticians, Socialism and Historians. Taylor, whatever his faults as a historian, journalist and television presenter, was an excellent writer.

Technorati Tags: A.J.P. Taylor, history, historian, blogging style, writing style

Is your desire for knowledge about social media is only outweighed by a driving quest for political analysis? Is there no sweeter nectar to you than gossip about Parliament Hill? Then do we have an event for you!

Paul Wells Live! One Night Only! The next Third Monday, right here in the capital city!

Sign up at the Third Monday Meetup site so we can accurately count how many people are going to show up. (55 so far!)

When?

Monday, Feb 19, 2007, 6:00 PM

Where?

Downtown.

 BTW -  I’m torn about the new Macleans website design. The links seem to be interminable, and I’m pretty sure I can’t read the blog on my BlackBerry anymore. Then again, it’s funny to see one mag writer comment on another’s work - in public. TOO BAD I CAN’T LINK TO THE COMMENT ITSELF! 

• Mike tells us the news cycle is now 90 seconds long.
• “There is no time to waste! Waste is folly. Waiting is pain. I have pain.” W+K London gets a doozy of a follow-up message from a job-seeker.
• “I think cucumbers are very sensual, don’t you?” A previous W+K job-seeker seems to channel Eric Stratton in his reference to supermarkets, oranges and bananas.
• CNW sent me this about their move to include social bookmarking links on news releases distributed through their wire. Only 11 months after this.
• 7 Ways to Tap Into Enthusiasm, from Mark McGuinness.
• A reminder that informal networks are often the key to knowledge, influence and promotion in an office.
• Leveraged Sell-Out has a good piece on speed dating, but here’s an amusing pull quote:

“…Why didn’t anyone ever tell me that being in PE meant that half of my life was going to be spent traveling to shitshow portfolio companies to boss around retards twice my age with the business acumen of Accenture employees? That would have been nice to know (not that it would have changed much) …”

That quote goes out to my friend Peter. For all you marketing types, PE means “Private Equity.”

Technorati Tags: CNW, private equity

Communication failure among sexes sharing bathroom facilities. A game theory analysis whether to leave the toilet seat up or not:

“…[Previous] papers agree that the social norm of leaving the toilet seat down is inefficient in the sense that it does not minimize the total cost of toilet seat operations per household. However, both papers fail to address an important concern: If a female finds the toilet seat in a wrong position then she will most probably yell at the male involved. This yelling inflicts a cost on the male. Based on this omission, women may argue that the analysis in these papers is suspect.In this paper, we internalize the cost of yelling and model the conflict as a non-cooperative game between two species, males and females.

We find that the social norm of leaving the toilet seat down is inefficient. However, to our dismay, we also find that the social norm of always leaving the toilet seat down after use is not only a Nash equilibrium in pure strategies but is also trembling-hand perfect. So, we can complain all we like, but this norm is not likely to go away.”

In separate news - the Government of New Delhi asks some straightforward questions in its client service survey:

• Were you interrupted by middleman/tout?
• Did you avail of his services? If yes, reasons therefore.
• Were you satisfied with the services provided by the middleman

Technorati Tags: client service survey, customer satisfaction, corruption, game theory, bathroom politics

Stuart Smalley V/O: I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with.

Announcer: “Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley”. Stuart Smalley is a caring nurturer, a member of several 12-step programs, but not a licensed therapist.

[open on Stuart giving himself a pep talk in his full-length mirror ]

Stuart Smalley: I’m going to write a terrific blog post today! And I’m gonna help people! Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, my 12 readers on Feedburner like me!

[turns to Live Writer window on his Lenovo laptop]

Hello, I’m Stuart Smalley! I’m still receiving some negative reaction from my post about Strumpette titled “There But For The Grace Of God Go I” and, I have to admit, it wasn’t my best writing … but that’s o-kay. I have to give myself permission to write a bad post every now and then. Especially if I spent the day sleeping until noon, then trolled gossip blogs and ate a box of Ding-Dongs.

There’s a lot of pressure in the blogosphere to write very well, especially among us self-help coaches. Before sitting down at my laptop, I lie on my parent’s sofa thinking, “What am I going to write about? The cat’s still asleep. I have nothing but good experiences at the mall. I haven’t eaten out in months. I haven’t even hurt myself accidentally. Everybody’s better than me. I’m not going to score any links or win any authority.”

All you other D-listers are not alone. Believe me, I know what it’s like, lying there, hard drive vibrating, thinking: “I’m a fraud. All I write are linkposts. Tomorrow, I’m going to be exposed for what I am, a big imposter. I just want to curl up and lay in bed all day and eat Fig Newtons.”

I am just a fool. I … I … don’t know what I’m doing. They’re gonna cancel the Adwords contract. My blog’s going to whither on the vine, my words are gonna go homeless. I’m gonna be penniless and twenty pounds overweight and no one will ever love me.

……

[majority of post simply adapted from the script for the Stuart Smalley interview with Michael Jordan. Stuart Smalley character originated by Al Franken on Saturday Night Live]

Technorati Tags: