Top Ten Signs your Christmas retail help’s gone bad:

10. The coffee club’s losing $26 a day.
9. The latest shipment included 40 packs of smokes.
8. Those Santa end of aisle displays? He’s now touching himself - inappropriately.
7. Somehow, the store cat is pregnant.
6. The greeter, dressed as an elf, is saying “How’d you like to be my Ho Ho Ho?”
5. Weekly staff potluck lunch is now a key party.
4. Someone’s charging for parking in the store lot.
3. The muzak now plays Liz Phair.
2. 7pm? That’s 85% off hour!
1. You’re guaranteeing early January delivery.

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