Canuckflack

I’m attending the Public Journalism Network’s Exploring Fusion Power of Public and Participatory Journalism conference in Toronto on Tuesday.

Thanks to Sarbanes-Oxley, some publicly listed companies are now being brutally honest about the external factors affecting their financials. Reuters’ Ritu Kalra pointed to a number of reports citing unusual reasons for poor forecasts, including this highlight in Applebee’s latest quarterly report:

As previously disclosed, the company recorded a pre-tax charge of $2.3 million for the write-off of excess riblets inventory which it determined during the second quarter no longer met the company’s quality standards.

Does that mean demand for riblets is declining? Or did they order too many? Is there a philosphical conflict between Applebee’s new Weight Watchers-branded healthy menu and the tasty morsels of processed meat product basted in liquid smoke? (check out the survey on the sidebar of this USA Today story)

Or maybe they just had freezer burn. Hmmm.

This little gem of a time-waster was dropped as a comment on Canuckflack last night.

It reminds me of old Colecovision games – especially because you have to use the directional keys.

You may ask yourself how foreign reporters score interviews at huge political gatherings like the goings-on at the Fleet Centre. Do they come with lists of experts and talking heads fluent in their language? Do they run a Profnet request? Maybe they hang out in Harvard Square looking for French Lit profs?

Paul Wells notes the effective technique employed by one Radio-Canada reporter:

I also saw something trivial but charming which I have heard about but never witnessed: a Radio-Canada radio reporter holding up a sign saying, “PARLEZ-VOUS FRAN�AIS? COME SPEAK TO ME!” It’s how you interview Americans for French-language radio. Does it work?

“Draws them like honey,” my colleague said.

Chances are, you won’t find many Republicans looking to say something nice in French a few weeks from now.

The National Research Council continues to work on a project they call the Cost-effective Open-Plan Environment.Why?

An effective open-plan office must provide environmental satisfaction for its occupants as well as meeting an organization’s budgetary requirements.

As the Globe and Mail tells us today, the NRC’s four years of study have developed two software programs that:

will tell office designers whether their cubicles are too cramped, too dark, too noisy or too drafty. The program will also help employers avoid the all-too-common maze effect in many cubicle colonies.

One program can model how sounds move inside a cubicle and from one work space to another. It can also model how alternate cubicle designs may affect noise patterns from, say, a radio.

The other program helps designers take cost, materials, geometry and user satisfaction into account when selecting cubicle designs. It will help calculate a cost-benefit comparison (Hmmm. If I only use 20 watt bulbs, the financial clerk may suffer eye damage) and offers some measure of user satisfaction with lighting, privacy and ventilation.

I’d say give it a try, but the software does demand a level of familiarity with office construction materials.

Antonia Morton, writing in the National Post, bemoans the poor grammar, mis-spelt words, improper sentence construction and missplaced apostrophes that seem to confront her in every example of commercial communication: wall poster, neon sign, menu, newspaper insert, or assembly instructions.

… What can be done? Some us [professional editors] fantasize wistfully that public opinion could force companies to smarten up. Perhaps the entire body of the Editor’s Association of Canada (supported by an army of annoyed readers and consumers across the nation) could fire off snippy letters to offending presidents and CEOs: “I was shocked by your misspellings, your frequent subject-verb disagreements, and the complete lack of structural coherence in your text. I will never buy your products again unless you hire a decent editor.”

… Not only would big business re-discover its grammatical self-respect, we editors would rediscover ours. We’d be vaulted to our proper place as guardians of linguistic propriety, and occupy positions of power, privilege – and wealth: clutching our style guides all the way to the bank.” (not online)

What she doesn’t seem to understand, either from professional irritation or subconscious elitism, is that most business owners do not have graduate educations in literature. They don’t have on-staff editors. The furthest extent of their pre-publication quality control process is to ask the night guy at Kinko’s: “What do you think?”

More importantly, businesspeople understand that, in some instances, grammatical inaccuracy can be forgiven if the price is right: $35 per room for carpet cleening is alright by me.

Any language evolves – particularly as it is buffeted by technological change and cultural evolution. For a small business owner, there is no need for an extraneous apostrophe, especially if it will mean another $25 added to the bill for the sign.

And really, where do consumers really expect accurate grammar? The library, a bookstore, or maybe Starbucks.

PR folk know Antonia’s pain. We wage a battle on the plains of grammar almost everyday. But we don’t fool ourselves into thinking our writing accomplishes anything more than pushing consumer goods, manufacturing processes, hi-tech toys, or government policies.

Luckily, we get paid well to acquiesce to irrational spellings, poor sentence structure and hyperbolic descriptions.

Ali G’s getting quite a bit of press as the second season of his show begins airing in North America.

USA Today discusses the experiences of several “guests” of Ali’s – Sam Donaldson among them – who were surpised by his inane questions and outrageous dress.

But what he got, he says, was a “crazy” gangsta rapper, drenched in bling and speaking a strange street lingo, who asked him about Richard Nixon’s “Waterworld” crisis.

“He asked about the serious subjects,” Donaldson says, “but in silly, know-nothing-type ways.”

The USA Today piece desperately tries to pull out a trend by discussing the growing number of “ambush” interviews being conducted by satirical shows like Ali’s and Jon Stewart’s.

The best quote?

Cohen, who refused to be interviewed for this story because it wasn’t solely about him ..”

Come on people! The very fact he appeared in a Madonna video should have clued you in!”

Here’s a funny Ali G. translator.
And here are Ali G wavs.

Ever have one of those customer service experiences that leave you cursing uncaring staff and wishing the wrath of complete industrial automation on their store?

We visited the local Loblaws superstore last night. Over 100,000 square feet and twenty check-out lanes. Normally, we use the automated checkout lanes (with their handy U-Scan Express machines), but traffic prompted us to ease the overloaded cart into a traditional checkout lane.

The distinterested teenager at the cash was not a new sight. She mumbled hello and proceeded to swipe each can, bag, vegetable and box across the scanner. There aren’t many jobs more boring than this, but she did bag the groceries in a logical manner: vegetables, breads, cans, freezer stuff.

The real problem was standing at the end of the checkout rollers. Two old biddies, pretending to move bags from the rollers to the cart. In reality, they were bitching and whining about their uniforms (like this).

Judging from their conversation, they have worked for Loblaws for a long time. Long enough to remember one trend towards yellow and brown polyester uniforms. Long enough to learn, and then forget, that ten pound bags of cans should not be dumped on the bread. The cart was piled with bags as they skipped through their memories of awful industrial uniforms and uncaring corporate procurement officers skimping on the natural fabrics.

I know their jobs are long and monotonous. That doesn’t mean they should forget the one cardinal rule: they are employed to help the customer.

My experience last night only confirms that the future of grocery shopping is sitting four aisles down – fast, efficient and a cheaper cost per customer – and will likely mean the old biddies will lose their jobs.

Every July, I tune into the Tour de France. It’s a formidable enterprise, with hundreds of bicyclists straining up impossible hills and racing across hundreds of kilometres. Chasing behind them are hundreds more team managers, equipment cars, motorcycle cameras, helicopters and mobile TV studios.

I dabble in mountain biking. I know the bike manufacturers, the equipment makers, even some of the personalities battling it out during each stage of the race. The leading racers have strong personalities, push big rings through the pain and endure horrible injuries: but any emotional attachment I may develop will eventually end in marketer’s wishes going unfulfilled.

Watching the Tour, you cannot help but be impressed by the marketing strategy put into the event. There are logos, banners, flags, posters, bike stickers, helmet decals, emblazoned shirts, personalized sweaters, and silkscreened bicycling caps everywhere. Every inch of useable space is exploited.

Nevertheless, I am completely disconnected from the marketing juggernaut created to support the Tour. Race organizers boast of the millions of viewers watching the race in dozens upon dozens of countries, but what’s the accuracy of the marketing efforts?

Unfortunately, Coke’s sponsorship didn’t win a convert in the McKay family – I was hooked after my first happy meal at McD’s. I admire the team assembled under the sponsorship of the US Postal Service, but I can’t use their mail service.

I recognize some of the French, Italian and German brand names splashed across the backs of the favoured riders, but I will have no opportunity to run down to the store and pick up some Davitamon. I don’t need a Phonak hearing aid.

Still – I do recognize Sodexho – and remember the regrettable menu selections made by the “chefs” they had working in my university cafeteria.

Warren Kinsella, Liberal party backroom boy, lawyer and sometime author, had a chance to interview Gene Simmons recently. There are some quick comments about greasepaint, Michael Jackson and John Kerry. Worth a read.

WK: If you were marooned on an island, what ten records would you bring with you?

GS: Something by Chilliwack. (laughs) These guys should have been beaten up, very badly, not because they put out good music or bad, but because they had the gall to call their band Chilliwack. You deserve a good bitch-slapping for that.

This is my entry for the Global PR Blog Week, running through tomorrow.

Whether the phones are ringing, camera trucks are showing up at a worksite, union leadership is speaking at a public hearing, or a regulator is issuing safety warnings about your product, it’s pretty clear you’ve got a crisis.

Instead of days or weeks, you’ve got minutes to map out how your organization will respond. You have to demonstrate awareness of the issue, empathize with the community and possible victims, appear knowledgeable to stakeholders, and prepare for detailed questioning from the board, Wall Street analysts, regulators, politicians and the public.

Ideally, you will have already tackled your toughest challenge: preparing your leadership for the glare of the local, national or international spotlight. In some industries, some tough media training will suffice. In others, CEOs, Presidents, General Managers and Plant Managers may be called upon to explain safety or health consequences of an accident clearly and competently.

The key to the success of this dialogue is a corporate culture that understands the benefits of risk communications. It’s a field of study that emphasizes transparency, information sharing, honest consultation processes and accountability.

Effective risk communications forces your organization to identify possible threats to its business, clients, workers, neighbours and other stakeholders – and to work with these groups in developing a shared response. It’s an ongoing process – more effective than a stale binder on a shelf, and more reassuring than a troubleshooter flown in when the first reporter calls.
keep reading »

Social networks, whether personal or electronic, are based on shared experiences, common interests, transparency and trust. Friendster’s decision to sell Dreamworks an advertising package for Will Ferrell’s Anchorman – including fictitious Friendster profiles for the film’s characters – will likely undermine efforts to encourage participation in online social networks by anyone beyond dedicated online users. (ClickZ)