Download adobe illustrator mac

Kinko’s – will a buyout mean global domination?

// December 30th, 2003 // No Comments » //

Long tagged as a member of the Generation “X’ (voracious appetite for Download adobe illustrator mac new ideas, short attention span, wanderlust, reluctance to wear a Download adobe illustrator mac suit), I remember the Download adobe illustrator mac wrenching evolution of the workplace in the late 80s and early 90s. Where my parents’ generation stuck with one profession or Download adobe illustrator mac even one company for life, my friends and I were infinitely more flexible. Employers were now worried about the Download adobe illustrator mac demographic crunch, our seeming lack of dedication to their mission statement, our explicit self-interest, and Download adobe illustrator mac our apparent willingness to jump jobs on a day’s notice.

As we developed our generational and Download adobe illustrator mac individual identities, a number of cultural touchstones emerged. Starbucks, unfortunately, has Download adobe illustrator mac ruined the independent coffee shop experience for everyone. After the tech crash, Fast Company went from Download adobe illustrator mac being four inches thick to just a regular magazine. And now, the late night Kinko’s run will likely change – FedEx has bought it for $2.4 billion.

Sure, the news release talks about tailoring “solutions to meet individual customer needs.” But the Download adobe illustrator mac more ominous claims of corporate synergy are always present: Together, FedEx and Kinko’s will create a Download adobe illustrator mac broader range of high-end corporate solutions, with physical and virtual connections to Download adobe illustrator mac the global marketplace.

I remember discovering, during a desperate midnight stop at Kinko’s, the miracle of cerloxing those extra special late night term papers; realizing that Download adobe illustrator mac a colour laserprinted resume might just make the hiring manager sit up and Download adobe illustrator mac pick you for that internship (stay with me folks, this was 1991); and, in 1993, resorting to Download adobe illustrator mac self-designed humourous coffee mugs after mailing 100 resumes didn’t produce a single response (mailing – 1993 – please keep up).

This was the “free agent” life – depending upon Kinko’s for that veneer of professionalism, and Download adobe illustrator mac it continues today. Will the change in ownership mean more of an Download adobe illustrator mac emphasis on corporate clients? Will FedEx choke what individuality remains out of the experience?

Media Scrums, Balls and Strategy

// December 30th, 2003 // No Comments » // In the Media

In the latest Newsweek, Jon Stewart makes a very canny observation about the Download adobe illustrator mac instincts that appear to govern the behaviour and interests of media scrums:

“I’m actually far more interested in the media’s responsibility than the politicians’,” says Stewart. “To me, the most interesting shot in the documentary ‘Journeys With George’ is Download adobe illustrator mac from behind the horde of reporters going to a staged event. You ever see 8-year-olds play soccer? It’s just this Download adobe illustrator mac weird clump of legs, and then all of a sudden the Download adobe illustrator mac ball will fly out and with no strategy or game, they just go ‘Ball!’ That’s what the media is.”

Santa’s got a pop-up … display for the trade show

// December 22nd, 2003 // Comments Off // Lists, Retail, Santa

The Advisory Committee’s finalized the marketing plan. You’ve finished the Download adobe illustrator mac design and production on the new graphic identity and are ready to Download adobe illustrator mac jump into the rejeuvenation of the Santa Claus, Inc. brand.

Your first stop? An international trade show, of course. But is your marketing team ready? Have you picked the right people to staff the booth? Do they have past experience with trade shows? Do they know how to “work the crowd”?

Many first-time exhibitors work with an Download adobe illustrator mac experienced contractor; someone who knows how to sweat the details of working in a high-pressure and time-sensitive environment like the Javits Convention Center.

At Santa Claus, Inc., our trade show activities require special preparation. Here are Download adobe illustrator mac some handy hints:

1) The union considers the Download adobe illustrator mac sleigh a movable booth, and as such, additional fees will be Download adobe illustrator mac imposed.

2) The sleigh can’t be pulled by your normal reindeer – instead, you must hire union reindeer at $325 an Download adobe illustrator mac hour. No less than 14 union reindeer at any time, minimum of 4 hours work per. Of course, only eight of them will actually be Download adobe illustrator mac working at one time, so you have to book additional booth space for Download adobe illustrator mac a “grazing
area.”

3) While other companies will be Download adobe illustrator mac handing out pens, mousepads and stress balls, remember that the handing out of any “presents” in any form will be Download adobe illustrator mac considered distributing, and you must apply for exemption from the event sponsors – and getting that idea by the Disney folks will be impossible.

4) Cookies and milk will no longer be left out for visitors – instead, you Download adobe illustrator mac need to fill out a purchase request from the trade show’s authorized caterer. They are $36 a dozen, and taste like sawdust (so the reindeer will like them).

5) Be careful about what Download adobe illustrator mac promo material you bring. Any presents left unclaimed and out in the Download adobe illustrator mac open will be inspected by police and may be destroyed. We lost 2500 Tickle Me Elmos that Download adobe illustrator mac way last year.

6) Dress appropriately. There are many stairs, steps, and backstage hallways – you Download adobe illustrator mac might be advised to wear comfortable shoes, based on your Download adobe illustrator mac weight. For the Elves, this means support hose with the Download adobe illustrator mac padded feet.

7) Commuting from Download adobe illustrator mac the North Pole is a non-starter, even with the sleigh. Since Santa, the Download adobe illustrator mac Chief Elf and the marketing Advisory Council will want to hit the Download adobe illustrator mac hospitality suites every night, you will have to stay at the Download adobe illustrator mac trade show overnight. You might consider taking a room at a Download adobe illustrator mac local hotel. Use the code “SNTCLS” for conference rate – which is only 125% of the rack rate.

Look around you. Look at the Download adobe illustrator mac guy at the workbench next to you, sewing the Strawberry Shortcake doll together. Is that Download adobe illustrator mac elf really a “people person”? Are any of them? Consider hiring special trade show “models” who Download adobe illustrator mac can smile for hours on end. They also get paid less than Download adobe illustrator mac elf scale.

Thanks to Peter Shankman for his work on this!

Piped-In Christmas Music

// December 19th, 2003 // Comments Off // Santa

Has the Download adobe illustrator mac adult-contemporary or easy listening radio station in your market gone to Download adobe illustrator mac an all-Christmas format? Do you Download adobe illustrator mac now find yourself inexplicably drawn to the Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Jose Feliciano and Download adobe illustrator mac Nat King Cole compliation albums while shopping for windshield washer fluid at Wal-Mart? Do you find yourself asking co-workers if “they’ve heard that funny carol – Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear“?

Well, you’re not alone. According to the Chicago Tribune, there are about 366 stations across the United States playing Christmas music around the clock. Why? Ratings and advertising dollars.

In Chicago, WLIT saw its share of all radio listeners grow from Download adobe illustrator mac a 2.9/3.6 share earlier in the Download adobe illustrator mac year to a stunning 9.3 during the Nov. 28 to Dec. 11 Arbitron rating period.

Once they saw holiday rating spikes like that — and Download adobe illustrator mac a 2002 Arbitron ratings study confirmed those holiday-music surges at stations around the Download adobe illustrator mac country — radio executives started flocking to Download adobe illustrator mac Christmas formats like revelers to a bowl of spiked eggnog.

Now, more stations are going Christmas earlier and earlier – say, the day after Halloween – because execs think that Download adobe illustrator mac listeners will stick with the first station to change to a Download adobe illustrator mac seasonal theme.

In New Orleans, there’s been Download adobe illustrator mac a format battle as the two soft-rock stations have tried to Download adobe illustrator mac switch to all-Christmas music:

Given that Download adobe illustrator mac New Orleans was then without a soft-rock station, WCKW switched to Download adobe illustrator mac that format a few days later. WLMG did too. WCKW execs soon decided to Download adobe illustrator mac go back to all-Christmas music again, and its competitor did as well — within 15 minutes.

“I think its so amusing that Download adobe illustrator mac Santa Claus could provoke a battle like this,” says WCKW operations manager Tony Florentino. “We’re not out there doing outrageous stunts — we have a nice, tame morning show and we don’t normally get a lot of media attention.”

Crisis Communications for Santa and Elves

// December 19th, 2003 // No Comments » //

Memo: To all Regional Distribution Managers

Issue: Communicating during Uncomfortable Situations
——————————————————

The Santa Claus, Inc. corporate PR Department has Download adobe illustrator mac worked on a number of possible scenarios that could be Download adobe illustrator mac encountered by employees during the valuable Christmas rush. While Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus and Download adobe illustrator mac the Chief Elf remain the principal corporate spokespersons, every employee must be Download adobe illustrator mac prepared to deal effectively with suppliers, aviation officials, parents, children and, sometimes, law enforcement officials.

Working through past incident reports, we have Download adobe illustrator mac created this series of handy guides for employees on resolving stressful situations.

Getting Busted at the 7-11

While the Download adobe illustrator mac logistics staff make every effort to ensure that the sleigh is Download adobe illustrator mac fully stocked with hot chocolate, marshmallows and graham crackers, we have Download adobe illustrator mac found that Santa and his reindeer sometimes require a more substantial meal. For most of the Download adobe illustrator mac year, it means picking up some Chicken Tikka takeout. On Christmas eve, this Download adobe illustrator mac is a little more difficult, especially if Santa is on the Download adobe illustrator mac road with the sleigh.

Given our unusual operating hours, Santa Claus, Inc. has Download adobe illustrator mac found that 24-hour convenience stores are the most available source of Santa’s favourite foods: tacos and Dr Pepper. In the Download adobe illustrator mac past, storeowners understood the urgent midnight munchie runs of very portly elderly men dressed in red velour, but the Download adobe illustrator mac increasing number of drunks coming home from office christmas parties has soured them on Santa.

As a result, Santa is frequently being harassed by convenience store owners convinced he is going to “wheze da juice” and Download adobe illustrator mac run without paying. Here are some tips for avoiding a confrontation with a Download adobe illustrator mac shotgun wielding store owner:

- Gout is Download adobe illustrator mac not an excuse for parking the sleigh in the handicapped space.

-Do not use your Santa Claus, Inc. building pass to wheedle a discount.

- Do not try to pay with the Pokemon cards from the Jensen house.

- “Ho, ho, ho” might not be seen as a greeting by some female customers.

- $50 solves everything. It’s under the hat.

Getting caught by a six year-old

Despite all of the Chief Elf’s technological advances, the Download adobe illustrator mac noise of the reindeer, sleigh, chimney and bored elves poking the Download adobe illustrator mac reindeer will wake someone up during the night. Some adults go out of their way to encourage children’s mischief. It is Download adobe illustrator mac important to maintain the illusion of magic, happiness and giving that Download adobe illustrator mac is Santa Claus, Inc:

- “Holy Crap! What the hell are you doing up!” is not an acceptable greeting.

- Don’t skip out on the milk and cookies, even if you’re lactose intolerant.

-Remind the Download adobe illustrator mac child that Elves need to use washrooms just like the rest of us.

- $5 will not buy the Download adobe illustrator mac silence of an eleven-year old boy. FHM will. Take one from Download adobe illustrator mac aan elf – they hoard the magazine.

Sleigh Accident at Toys ‘R Us

Despite the stagnant economy, it is still hard to find skilled sleigh drivers – especially ones under four feet tall. This has Download adobe illustrator mac meant an increase in SRDC – sleigh related damage claims. The cost of these claims is Download adobe illustrator mac naturally reflected in our insurance premiums.

Both to boost morale and undermine Santa Claus, Inc’s competitors, we have Download adobe illustrator mac begun training our new sleigh drivers in Toys ‘R Us parking lots. This provides open space for Download adobe illustrator mac maneuvering a large sleigh and team of reindeers as well as plausible deniability.

- “That rich red scratch down the Download adobe illustrator mac side of your Lincoln could have been caused by that car there, sir!”

-Remember – the Download adobe illustrator mac sleigh handles like a pig at slow speeds. Why do you Download adobe illustrator mac think we land it on the roof, and not the driveway, when Download adobe illustrator mac doing deliveries?

- It also holds about 300 shopping carts – which can be sold off at $300 a pop.

- As the settlement with Wendy’s will attest, the sleigh is NOT drive-through friendly!

Bar Fight on Boxing Day

Inevitably, Santa, elves and Download adobe illustrator mac other employees will come across one or two people who Download adobe illustrator mac did not get what they wanted on Christmas morning. Some may even claim Santa does not exist buy windows 7 professional cheap, and Download adobe illustrator mac will attempt to undermine the work of Santa Claus, Inc. through scientific deduction. If some of them (or you) have been drinking, this discussion might get animated, even physical.

- Logic doesn’t usually work on drunks. The Rope-A-Dope buy microsoft office 2007 online might, though.

- No matter how many elves are Download adobe illustrator mac with you, you will not win the fight. You are fat, and Download adobe illustrator mac elf arms aren’t long enough. This is Download adobe illustrator mac why every elf always carries a sock full of coins.

- If the Download adobe illustrator mac police ask, you grew the beard on a bet, and Download adobe illustrator mac these are your pajamas.

- If will take up to Download adobe illustrator mac 48 hours to post bail. It will take us that long to Download adobe illustrator mac sell enough handmade wooden toys to get the money.

FAQ: So you want to hire Santa

// December 18th, 2003 // No Comments » // Lists, Santa

So. Your internal communications plan notes that Download adobe illustrator mac Santa is to host your Christmas event this year, but you Download adobe illustrator mac have some questions about the the cost, the reequirements and Download adobe illustrator mac possible complications. Check out our down-to-earth FAQ for the answers to Download adobe illustrator mac many of the questions you might have.

Q: How much does Santa cost per hour?

A: Santa traditionally works for a rate of 7 cookies/hour + 1 glass of milk for Download adobe illustrator mac every hour after the second, between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. After 3 p.m., Santa’s rates change to 4 shots of bourbon and 2 six minute “elf” breaks /hour.

Q: Does Santa come with his own costume?

A: Yes, due to Download adobe illustrator mac federal laws, Santa Claus Inc. is required to provide a full and Download adobe illustrator mac freshly pressed official Santa uniform.

Contrary to previous arrangements, we no longer offer specials on “Pantless Santa” appearances.

Q: Do we need additional liability insurance?

That depends if you Download adobe illustrator mac assume responsibility for transporting Santa, his elves, the large red velour throne and Download adobe illustrator mac faux panelled wood sleigh to your event. If Santa must deliver it Download adobe illustrator mac in his 1977 Ford Bronco, we will require an indemnity waiver.

Q: Does Santa come with Reindeer?

A: Due to Download adobe illustrator mac a tragic violation of federal airspace over LaGuardia Airport in New York, we have Download adobe illustrator mac discontinued our reindeer rental service. There is, however, a sale on reindeer steaks at the Download adobe illustrator mac Food King in Queens.

Q: Is there a weight limit for Santa’s lap?

A: Be it boy, girl, man or woman, Santa likes ‘em lean. Elf and waif sizes are also acceptable.

Q: Is Santa a holly jolly sort?

A: While our Santas are Download adobe illustrator mac relatively kid-friendly, we believe in encouraging an open, honest and Download adobe illustrator mac thoroughly festive environment for all party guests. Therefore, Santa is Download adobe illustrator mac strictly professional and distant towards anyone under the age of 18. To engage Santa’s full friendliness, have him interact with females from 18 – 22 years old.

Q: What are some examples of Santa’s interaction with the kids?

A: Santa comes equipped with the Download adobe illustrator mac traditional array of Santaisms including “Ho Ho Ho” and “Merry Christmas one and all.”

For an Download adobe illustrator mac additional 3 cookies and shot of bourbon per hour, Santa will ad-lib.
Examples include:

“Reach into Santa’s pants for a Christmas miracle”

“You call this crap eggnog?”

“You don’t want that toy. It’s made by kids your age in third world countries.”

“I heard you’ve been Download adobe illustrator mac a naughty, naughty girl this year. Care to show me how naughty?”

“Jebus? I don’t even believe in Jebus!”

“You know that Santa on 14th Street? I made him my bitch last night”

Q: Is Santa available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs?

A: Bar Mitzvahs? Are you insane? Bat Mitzvahs, maybe.

Q: Can Santa answer the Download adobe illustrator mac essential questions of the Universe, like: How much wood could a Download adobe illustrator mac woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A: A woodchuck would chuck as much as a Download adobe illustrator mac woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Q: How many licks does it Download adobe illustrator mac take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

A: The world may never know.

Q: Why is the sky blue?

A: If it were green, we wouldn’t know where to stop mowing.

Q: Can I get an culturally-representative Santa?

A: Of course! Santa is Download adobe illustrator mac available to represent the season of giving in many cultures. If your Download adobe illustrator mac “gift basket” for Santa includes some top shelf shit or a little blow, we’ll paint the big guy freakin’ green.

Q: Will Santa lead us in caroling?

A: No. Santa does not sing. He has enough problems of his own already.

Q: Will Santa’s belly really shake like a bowl full of jelly?

A: Sadly, most of our Santas are Download adobe illustrator mac not really fat. If anything, his belly shakes like a cheap felt suit full of padding. And smells like the Download adobe illustrator mac dressing room from the Peoria Little Theatre performance of the Lion King.

Q: Is Santa cool if the shit goes down?

A: Absolutely. Santa comes fully equipped! When the shit goes down, Santa and his elf’s got your back, yo. He’s ready, willing and able. Even when drunk, Santa’s one bad motha’.

Q: Did you notice that if you move the “n” in Santa to the end of his name, you get “Satan?”

A: We did not notice that. While it Download adobe illustrator mac is interesting, this does not imply an endorsement, either directly or Download adobe illustrator mac indirectly, for our beloved lord and master, Lucifer.

Media Training for Santa

// December 17th, 2003 // No Comments » // Public Relations, Santa

Memo: To Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus and Chief Elf
Issue: Preparing for
interviews with the
media
——————————————————–

As the Download adobe illustrator mac holiday season approaches, I would like to remind you of some basic tips and Download adobe illustrator mac techniques for dealing with members of the media. I’m sure most of this Download adobe illustrator mac is old hat, but my colleagues in the seasonal entertainment PR industry are Download adobe illustrator mac still mocking me about the Santa’s Summer Cruise Wear photo shoot you Download adobe illustrator mac did for Portly Fashion magazine. Remember the cardinal rule for a Download adobe illustrator mac winter celebrity: no-one needs to see Santa’s knees.

Keep the message upbeat

Santa Claus, Inc. is Download adobe illustrator mac a good news story. You have very good positives, and very, very low negatives (as long as we keep the factories in North Korea under
wraps). Because of years of cultural appropriation, we have Download adobe illustrator mac become the personification of winter fairy tales from countries across Europe. More importantly, thanks to Download adobe illustrator mac our longstanding partnership with Coca-Cola, we have established an international identity as a Download adobe illustrator mac joyful and reassuring personality in a number of retail, specialty, wholesale, direct and Download adobe illustrator mac e-business channels.

This will only continue if Santa Claus, Inc. is Download adobe illustrator mac represented by personable and upbeat spokespersons: Santa, Mrs. Claus and Download adobe illustrator mac the Chief Elf. Last season’s totally inappropriate FHM interview and companion piece (Does Mrs. Santa really know who’s naughty and nice?) may have Download adobe illustrator mac resulted in a temporary spike in views to the image gallery on the Download adobe illustrator mac Santa’s Workshop website, but it did nothing for sales of the children’s sleepwear line.

Please remember what Download adobe illustrator mac the focus groups said: Santa is wholesome, he is understanding, he is Download adobe illustrator mac approachable, and he makes reasonable compromises when faced with children’s demands. (sidebar to Chief Elf: “The Taiwanese make hose things from twine and bark” is Download adobe illustrator mac not an appropriate answer to a probing question from CNET about a Download adobe illustrator mac competitor’s new digital camera)

Meeting the Press

Please remember that Download adobe illustrator mac the PR department spends a substantial amount of time preparing for Download adobe illustrator mac the holiday season and seasonal coverage in printed media, including magazines, newspapers, trade journals and Download adobe illustrator mac specialty association magazines.

Remember the Download adobe illustrator mac initial messaging sessions in June, led by the Research Director? Those messages are Download adobe illustrator mac driven through every contact with these outlets, with the intent of positively affecting the Download adobe illustrator mac public’s perception of Santa Claus, Inc. at our most vital moment: the Twelve Days of Christmas.

Preparing for Television Interviews

Remember – make eye contact with the Download adobe illustrator mac interviewer. Pretend the camera is not there. Any sudden eye movement between the Download adobe illustrator mac two will make you seem shifty nd untrustworthy.

Remember: for Download adobe illustrator mac television appearances, Santa ALWAYS wears the uniform. Santa does not dress in Alexander MacQueen suits. He does not appear on the Download adobe illustrator mac Today Show in Joseph Abboud casual wear. Santa is reknowned for Download adobe illustrator mac wearing half-moon reading glasses: he does not wear tortoiseshell glasses left over from the 1970s corporate parties at “54.”

Similarly, the Chief Elf ALWAYS wears an elf hat (with required bell) and wooden togs. The two minute interview on NEXT@CNN last week was very informative, but the “Gates Sux” t-shirt detracted from Download adobe illustrator mac the overall message we were trying to convey.

Finally, Mrs. Claus will NEVER, EVER again appear as a Download adobe illustrator mac Barker Beauty on The Price is Right. While the Download adobe illustrator mac initial concept was approved, we should have foreseen the potential embarassment of a Download adobe illustrator mac “summer splashing” prize package – with Mrs. Claus illustrating the value of a hot tub.

We really should have learned from our past appearances on the Match Game.

Preparing for Radio Interviews

When doing a Download adobe illustrator mac phone interview with a local radio station, please make sure all nearby stereos, computers and Download adobe illustrator mac televisions are turned off. Not only is microphone feedback a Download adobe illustrator mac possibility, but sometimes the radio listener can hear the noise in the Download adobe illustrator mac background. The interview with Rick Dees last year went well – except for the portion where listeners could hear certain Ned Beatty lines from Download adobe illustrator mac the WTBS broadcast of Deliverance then being shown in the Elf Lounge.

Also – be Download adobe illustrator mac very aware of added sound effects. While the Santa Claus, Inc. PR department does provide sound files of reindeer grazing and Download adobe illustrator mac elves caroling for use in radio and tv broadcasts, some unscrupulous show producers have Download adobe illustrator mac been known to insert sheep sounds and other inappropriate noises into the Download adobe illustrator mac broadcast.

Meeting an Editorial Board

Meeting the Download adobe illustrator mac editorial board of a newspaper provides an opportunity to present a Download adobe illustrator mac sweeping view of the work and interests of Santa Claus, Inc. Santa, Mrs. Claus and Download adobe illustrator mac Chief Elf, as corporate spokespersons, can all participate in editorial boards, with appropriate preparation.

While board members expect spokespersons to Download adobe illustrator mac be open, honest and frank, spokespersons of Santa Claus, Inc. should never use the Download adobe illustrator mac phrases “You never heard it from me, but …” or “While at the biker bar, I …” or “FAO Schwartz had it coming …”

Are you a Department Store Santa?

// December 16th, 2003 // 1 Comment » // Santa

Memo: To all Regional Managers

Issue: Recent Incidents involving Seasonal Character Hires
—————————————————–

As you Download adobe illustrator mac may be aware, some stores in the chain have recently suffered embarassing public relations incidents because of poor hiring decisions – particularly in the selection of Santa and associated Elf characters.

In the Download adobe illustrator mac Texas region, a part-time Santa recently decided to ride the bucking ronco brought in as part of a Download adobe illustrator mac cross-promotion with a local country radio station. While there were no Download adobe illustrator mac injuries – among store patrons – the store’s lifesize Nativity Scene now only has Download adobe illustrator mac two wise men and Joseph looks remarkably like last fall’s standalone pop-up for Tiger Woods-brand clothing.

In upstate New York, our seasonal Santa met some overly friendly “elves” at the “gentleman’s club” next to Download adobe illustrator mac the mall. After a free lunch and some extended imbibing, our seasonal hire drove the Download adobe illustrator mac young ladies home in a “borrowed” service van from the appliance department. 35 mail boxes and a deer later, he was arrested.

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Once again, let me remind you Download adobe illustrator mac of the personality traits and behaviour we expect from our key seasonal Character, Santa:

Guidelines for portraying Santa Claus

Santa is:

Jolly, not sarcastic
Friendly, not saucy and suggestive
Engaging, not overly touchy-feely
Chipper, not liquored-up

Santa wears:

Red velvet hat with white cotton or fur ball
Red velvet coat with white trim and Download adobe illustrator mac cuffs, not red velvet coat with biker colours
White shirts, not mesh shirts
Red velvet pants, not leather pants
Black boots, not cuban heeled boots

Santa says:

“Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!”
“And what is your name, little boy/girl?”
“What would you like me to leave under the tree this year?”

Santa does not say:

“Ho Ho Ho! Daddy’s Home!”
“And what is your name, mommy?”
“How ’bout I make a special delivery?”

Santa’s helper is:

Cheerful
Helpful
Considerate
Dressed like an Elf

Santa’s helper is not buy cs3:
Smoking
Dismissive
Surly
Dressed like a Santa Groupie

When leaving the Display Area, Santa says:
“Pardon me, kids! I’ve got to check on the reindeer”
“I think Mrs. Claus has my coffee ready.”
“I have to go check my list for who’s naughty and nice.”

When leaving the Display Area, Santa does not say:
“Watch out kids! The Sleigh’s double parked and Santa doesn’t want another ticket!”
“Excuse me kids! I’ve gotta shake the weasel!”
“Me and the Elf have some important business to discuss.”
Please remember these guidelines when hiring Seasonal Characters.

Herbert Kornfeld,
A/National Manager, Cross-Platform Marketing

PR for Santa: The Basics

// December 13th, 2003 // No Comments » // Santa

Let’s face it – it’s not easy being the embodiment of all that is good and merry about the Download adobe illustrator mac world. You spend all year in the freezing cold, surrounded by elves, pushed by SuperToy conglomerates to Download adobe illustrator mac come up with faster and better toys, and then you Download adobe illustrator mac get grief because you can’t find My Little Pony nderpants. And that’s just the presents for the adults.

No, it’s not an easy job, whether you’re the Download adobe illustrator mac real Santa Claus or one of his earthbound minions, chosen to Download adobe illustrator mac spread his festive spirit for $5.30 an Download adobe illustrator mac hour throughout the shopping malls, street corners and office parties of the Download adobe illustrator mac world.

And there are Download adobe illustrator mac many, many ways you could screw it up. Without deep concentration and Download adobe illustrator mac careful planning, you can easily slip from the Guy in Charge of All that Download adobe illustrator mac is Good in the World, to That Scary Fat Guy in the Download adobe illustrator mac Red Suit who Ruined Christmas. That wouldn’t be good.

So, without further ado, we present: PR For Santa: The Basics, written by Andrew McKay.

1. Don’t forget your roots

Sure, the “I’m from the North Pole” shtick may work when working the bar at the Holiday Inn Express, but you can easily be exposed by deeper questioning if you don’t have your facts straight.

So here’s the scoop: you represent St. Nicholas discount microsoft office software, the Download adobe illustrator mac patron saint of sailors, travelers, bakers, merchants, and most importantly, children. Santa was born in Asia Minor eighteen centuries ago. He went through torture and Download adobe illustrator mac imprisonment, and yet, was responsible for giving gifts to all the Download adobe illustrator mac children of the region of Myra, right up until his death. Think of that Download adobe illustrator mac the next time a screaming kid tries to return a lame Batmobile kit.

2. Don’t dis the sled

You’ve been given the greatest vehicle in the world: a Download adobe illustrator mac two-seater sled that can fit enough presents for every boy and Download adobe illustrator mac girl in the world. Think of it Download adobe illustrator mac as a car with the style of a Bentley, but the Download adobe illustrator mac storage capacity of a Hummer. Without the sled, you’re nothing. Sure, the Download adobe illustrator mac Salvation Army uses a U.S. National Guard C-130 to distribute toys and Download adobe illustrator mac packages to the villages of Alaska. But you know they’d use the sled if they could. Like General Lee windows 7 starter edition download and her welded doors, you sacrifice some comfort for prestige.

3. Don’t get caught up in Conduct Unbecoming to Santa

You’re the Download adobe illustrator mac giver of happiness, the best toymaker in the world, and Download adobe illustrator mac you enjoy a nice rack of reindeer ribs like everyone else. That ought to Download adobe illustrator mac be enough. There’s no Download adobe illustrator mac need to risk it all in the pursuit of insane leisure activities, like the Download adobe illustrator mac Santa impostor who practices his chimney descents by rappelling down North Carolina’s 315-foot Chimney Rock in his full red suit. Sure, it Download adobe illustrator mac makes for a
great photo op, but it leaves no time for wish lists – talk about mixed messaging for the average seven year-old!

4. Be careful about your posse

You’d think this one would be fairly obvious – maybe Santa’s been scarred by partnerships,
co-branded promotions and marketing agreements before. What’s Santa’s favourite drink? Coke? Next time you’re doing a Download adobe illustrator mac drop-by at the mall, consider this: exactly where did the marketing company pick up the Download adobe illustrator mac help? It’s difficult to Download adobe illustrator mac think of a better way to permanently scar a child than Download adobe illustrator mac to have an errant elf run amuck while she’s describing which Bratz doll to pick up at Wal-Mart.

5. Remember Your Basic Values: “Good”, not “Evil.”

Because people expect you Download adobe illustrator mac to slip into their houses and eat their food, it might be Download adobe illustrator mac tempting to think you can ignore the laws of the land. I mean, $15.95 for a picture with Santa? Basic news searches will also show you Download adobe illustrator mac that Santa seems to be a close second to Richard Nixon as the Download adobe illustrator mac preferred disguise of bank robbers.

We can Download adobe illustrator mac only assume that these larcenous Santas had stolen their suits off one of Santa’s apprentices, but the Download adobe illustrator mac fact remains that you can never be tempted by the fruits of The Suit.

6. Make sure the facts are correct

You must know about NORAD’s Santa Tracker, which follows the Great One himself as he traverses the globe. It’s a nice effort, but it wouldn’t have Download adobe illustrator mac been necessary if someone had actually checked a phone number. A Colorado newspaper misprinted the Download adobe illustrator mac Santa Hotline phone number, and dozens of children started calling what Download adobe illustrator mac was then known as the Continental Air Defense Command command center.

Fortunately, the Download adobe illustrator mac good folks there tinkered with their radar until they could actually detect Santa and Download adobe illustrator mac his reindeer taking off from the North Pole, but it’s a risk you don’t want to Download adobe illustrator mac take with your valuable brand extension test in the carefully selected MidWestern city.

7. Don’t believe the hype

To many, your Download adobe illustrator mac arrival is a bright spot as the cold winter months approach. Don’t push it purchase online Creative Suite 5 Web Premium. You have Download adobe illustrator mac a foundation of trust and respect, built through years of hard work. While there will always be Download adobe illustrator mac skeptics, don’t assume that your hard earned rep will cover every indiscretion.

In a Download adobe illustrator mac concept no doubt inspired by considerable amounts of beer, a Download adobe illustrator mac Scotland town held a “Santa Idol” competition this Download adobe illustrator mac year, putting prospective Santas through a rigorous audition process in the Download adobe illustrator mac style of the successful TV program. Donald Baxter, 68, won the Download adobe illustrator mac right to be Santa at Tourist Information Centres in Dundee and Download adobe illustrator mac Arbroath.

“Some of the Download adobe illustrator mac Santas were excellent, although I think there were one or two iffy ones to Download adobe illustrator mac be honest,” said one of the judges.

8. Mind your “Ps and Qs”

Sure, it’s hard to go wrong when you’re Santa. You can Download adobe illustrator mac kiss strange children and ask single mothers their age. But there are Download adobe illustrator mac some boundaries you just shouldn’t cross.

Take, for example, a recent “Santa Claus of the Year” contest in Finland. Five contestants showed up, which is Download adobe illustrator mac embarrassing enough. One brought a gift bag of his own paintings – nude portraits. Another gave the Download adobe illustrator mac organizer an overly enthusiastic hug, squeezing her ” in some of the wrong places.”

The competition also included a Download adobe illustrator mac contest to see how many children could fit into each Santa’s lap at the same time. That’s wrong on so many levels, we’re pretty sure we don’t need to go over them here.

9. Don’t dis the help

Sure, it’s hard being Jolly St. Nick, squeezing through chimneys, and Download adobe illustrator mac keeping that damn smile on your face. But you can never forget the little people who got you there, the poor folk responsible for reindeer maintenance. Think it’s an easy job? Think again.

Apparently, reindeer herding is Download adobe illustrator mac the most dangerous job in Sweden. There were 150 deaths on the Download adobe illustrator mac job between 1961 and 2000, said Per Sjoelander, one of the Download adobe illustrator mac authors of “Fatal Accidents and Suicide Among Reindeer Herding Samis in Sweden.” The number of deaths was more than Download adobe illustrator mac twice that for farmers and more than three times the total for Download adobe illustrator mac construction workers during the same period.

Remember THAT the next time you lift your heaving gut into the sled.

10. Protect the corporate image

People get lazy. It’s a Download adobe illustrator mac busy time of year, the production lines are humming, the Download adobe illustrator mac elves are trying to figure out exactly how Elmo learned the Download adobe illustrator mac “limbo.” You don’t have Download adobe illustrator mac the time to track your key messaging, support the new brand and Download adobe illustrator mac protect the corporate image. What happens with all these distractions? A scandal like “Elf.”

In just over 90 minutes, one movie sums up everything that Download adobe illustrator mac can go wrong when you don’t pay attention to your image.

Consider this: you’ve got a Download adobe illustrator mac human elf, who is raised at the North Pole because Santa supposedly didn’t see him sneak into The Big Red Bag. Then you’ve got elves mocking him (and displaying positively un-elflike behavior), just because he’s 6-foot-five. He’s wearing yellow tights, when Download adobe illustrator mac the corporate Elf manual explicitly specifies red leggings. And the climax of the Download adobe illustrator mac movie insists that Christmas spirit and carefully-herded reindeer aren’t enough to Download adobe illustrator mac drive the sled; you also need a turbo-boosted engine that only the Download adobe illustrator mac fake elf can fix.

What’s that mean for Santa? A visit from Download adobe illustrator mac Child Services, possible ISO 9000 violations because of the tights, and Download adobe illustrator mac a suit from the FTC because your 1/18
souvenir models of the sled do not reflect reality.

Throughout “Elf”, Bob Newhart has a look that says “I had a good career, worked hard, had two hit shows – how the hell did I end up HERE?” The same thing could happen to you if you’re not entirely vigilant every time you don The Suit.

Some thoughts from an Average Elf

// December 12th, 2003 // Comments Off // Santa

If you’ve ever wondered what the life of a rent-an-elf is like adobe after effects cs3 download, you have to visit “Now is the winter of our Discontented Elf”, a great journal of one person’s life as a seasonal character hire. A sample entry:

The Suits came to check on Santa today.

Santa: (watching Suit approach) He’s going to ask us where all the kids are.

Suit: (approaching) Hey, Santa, where are all the kids?

Elf Winky: In jail?
Elf JoeBo: Doin’ your wife?
Elf Destructo: Selling crank in Bath and Bedding?
Elf Cranky: Or even, in school at one-thirty on a Wednesday afternoon?
Santa: (to Suit) Ho ho ho!

Thanks to Jeremy Popper buy cheap Adobe Creative Suite 5 Master Collection for the pointer!